


The Weaker Impel Down

by Thisisarealtagwhy



Series: Carnate Thingy [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, One Piece
Genre: Akainu warning, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Crossover, Dementors, Divination, Dolores Umbridge is a bitch and i despise her, Fluff, Fucked up government, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Karma is a Bitch, Light torture?, Mugiwara Allies, RIP 'Professor Lupin', Reincarnation, Sea-Prism Stone, except not really, slight angst, the canon divergence is strong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-01-31 19:18:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12688572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thisisarealtagwhy/pseuds/Thisisarealtagwhy
Summary: The third year of Hogwarts, nobody really expected it to be 'normal' on any kind of level. They're still displeased to discover that it will be abnormal, toads and rats abound, the year will be quite a roller coaster of events."Well, good afternoon children! Wands away and quills out, please, you won't be needing those in my classroom." She smiles expectantly at them all like that's supposed tomeansomething.Course aims:1. Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic.2. Learning to recognize situations in which defensive magic can legally be used.3. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use.An interesting year indeed.





	1. Summertime Fun

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I'm back! Now, this is the book where everything goes to, well, hell. I'm sorry for the extended break. But, the good news is that i found myself a beta, i'd like to thank [BlameThePlunnies](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/6473822/BlameThePlunnies) for being such a wonderful help with this. I'm hoping for at least a chapter per month but you all know how inconsistent i am with updating - but, on another note, i've been trying to write 6k chapters so i can squeeze them out quicker :)

Within the walls of Grimmauld Place...

Luffy brushes his lip with the quill he was supposed to be writing with; who knew that being a wizard was so much work?

Who got homework during the holidays?

He was supposed to be writing an essay on how witch burnings were completely useless during the 14th century, but he doesn’t understand. There were more than simply witches and wizards that could use wands - what about those who were able to use accidental magic? What happened to them?

He kicks his legs idly as he ponders for points he could write.

“They didn’t stamp out the wizarding populace?”

“Hmm?” Marco asks, looking up from his book on the lounge. Luffy is lying on his stomach on the floor. The carpet smells like mildew, in Luffy’s opinion. That probably didn’t help when he was trying to write his essay out.

“I’m supposed to be writing an essay on why witch burnings were useless during the 14th century, and it’s dumb. Wouldn’t the non-magical people realize they weren’t burnt to a crisp? Or what about those that were killed?”

Marco shrugs. “All I know is a bit about a woman named ‘Wendelin the Weird’, who apparently applied a flame-freezing spell that reduced the burning sensation to a mild tickle. She enjoyed it so much that she did it a total of forty times.”

“Forty-seven times,” Sabo says, walking into the room with a tray of food in his arms.

“What?” Marco asks, looking to the door.

“She allowed herself to be caught no less than forty-seven times, but I agree with Luffy; it’s a dumb question,” Sabo elaborates.

Ace appears at the scent of food. “Is that food I smell?”

“No, it’s the smell of carrion,” Sabo says dryly.

Thatch follows, carrying another three platters of cheeses, salami, crackers, and various other kinds of foods.

“I’m taking a break then!” Luffy declares, despite not having written anything down.

Sabo sighs in exasperation but followed suit.

They finish off the trays and hear Thatch complain about ‘bottomless pits’.

“So,” Sabo begins, flopping onto their carpeted floor, “Wanna tell us a bit about the first eleven years of your life?”

Luffy sticks out his tongue in disgust. “Nah, the Dursleys were mean.”

The two older brothers exchange a look over their younger brother’s head.

“So, where did you say these ‘Dursleys’ live?” Ace asks, seemingly innocently.

“Ah, I don’t know,” Luffy replies, thinking long and hard about it.

“Well, I’m sure we could procure an address,” Sabo whispers quietly to Ace, who nods vigorously.

Luffy stands up as they look at him in excitement. “How would you like to prank the Dursleys?”

Thatch pops his head in the room as soon as he hears ‘prank’.

He smiles. He probably wouldn’t do it if he was on his own, but here he was, with his two brothers, pineapple head, Thatch (Luffy mostly remembered his name ‘cause if he didn’t then he wouldn’t get meat), and Koala.

“Sure,” he agrees easily.

Thatch is already in action, and various buckets of glue and glitter had mysteriously appeared, as well as a goat for some reason.

“No,” Sabo says to the prankster, “I have a better idea.”

“Torching their house?” Ace asks excitedly.

“No, that’s too destructive.”

“Eating the house!” Luffy chimes in.

“Too gross.”

“Why don’t we flood it and trap the water inside,” Koala suggests.

“Too much magic.”

“What, then?” Ace asks.

“Why don’t we scare them so much that they have to leave their house?”

“That sounds pretty terrifying, but how?” Thatch asks eagerly.

“Well, I guess we could use glitter…”

“Hell yes!”

A little more than two days later, they’re prepped, equipped with the finest paint they have, tons of glitter, glue, about eight different billy goats, and endless amounts of enthusiasm.

“So, we’re all clear on what the plan is?” Koala says, grinning widely.

“Yup.”

“Luffy, have you found them?”

“Yup.”

“Okay, let’s go wreck some havoc.”

“Oh, and Koala?”

“Yeah, Sabo-kun?”

“Did you make sure that the guy following us will go elsewhere?”

“Mm, he’s currently on a false trail to the zoo.”

“Shishishi!”

* * *

It was a normal day within the Dursley household. They were expecting company later when Vernon’s gorgeous sister would be visiting them.

Petunia was sweating like a pig from the household chores she’d been performing, and Vernon couldn’t help but wish that that goddamn boy was here to relieve his wife of such hard household duties.  

Nothing he could’ve helped with, of course! He was the man of the household! The alpha of the pack! He was the one that made all of the money - if anyone should’ve been sweating, it was him!

With a self-righteous nod, he finished the rest of his bacon. He was watching the news about the boring monotony of children starving in the world – he didn’t care! Why should he have when he was so comfortable with his own life?

It was their own fault that they were like that anyway. Why did hardworking taxpayers’ money have to be rerouted to such poor children?

That was when the power went out. Now, usually he’d still be able to see within his house without lighting, but for some reason, he couldn’t see at all. Most of the curtains were open too!

He slams down his cutlery. It was some goddamn teenager playing a prank on them! Well, he’d show them who was boss.

Pulling out his rifle, he approaches the only curtained window and swept it across-

“Arhh!!” He’d deny it until the day he died, but the face pressed up against the window absolutely disturbed him.

Blood trickling down their face, they looked like somebody out of a B-grade slasher horror film.

He snarls and aims his rifle. “If you don’t leave now, I’ll smash your face!”

When the body didn’t move, he rushes to the front door, warning Petunia and Dudley to stay in the kitchen.

As soon as he took one step outside, he was coated in… glue?

“Bombs away!” A second bucket coats him in glitter.

“What the bloody hell!” he roars furiously. He would find whoever did this, and he would skin them alive!

He could barely see because of the glitter, but then he hears the crunch of grass and quickly clears his vision. In his beautiful, pristine yard were eight billy goats, munching away at his grass and hedges.

“What the fuck?” he yells, and suddenly realized that the billy goats had been there for a while, because the entire lawn was screwed up where the goats ate in irregular patterns.

“Where are you, you coward?!” he bellows in fury. Suddenly, two loud thuds sound beside him, though he refrained from screaming if only because he was a man.

“Right here, you fat old bastard,” one of them says, and suddenly his whole world was full of red; not from rage, but literally red.

“I think he needs some more blue,” the other says, and he realized that they’d thrown paint over him.

“A touch of yellow too,” says another voice, and Vernon swears he knew him but then one of the other voices shushed him.

“I think he looks quite putrid in the colours of our flag, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I think his house would look better. Oh wait…”

“What the hell did you do to my house?” he demands through the paint, and he manages to clear it off his eye-lids.

His beautiful, normal house was now coated in those hideous colours.

“Who the hell are you and why us?” he asks, not feeling as brave as he was a few minutes ago.

Both men’s gazes harden. “Just something you did to a dear friend of ours.”

“What do you want? All of our savings are in-”

“We don’t care about your money.”

And he sinks to his knees because they were going to kill him.

But when no further blows came and Petunia and Dudley raced out of the house to find him alone in a red, blue, and yellow house and a destroyed yard, Petunia sinks to her knees beside him, wailing over her hedges.

“Who did this?” Dudley asks in a small voice, his pudgy hands grasping around their wireless phone, and Vernon thought, no, they couldn’t call the police because they’d never catch men like that.

And he hated it because his rights had been violated, damn it!

“Call Marge and tell her we can’t do our week with her anytime soon,” he finally grunts out, and he waddles back into his destroyed house.

He thinks that it was time for a house-change anyway, especially given how that boy knew where he lived.

* * *

It was on their way back to Grimmauld Place that things went a little haywire.

They were wandering down the street a little because Luffy remembered an ice-cream shop he’d always wanted to go to before.

“Ish good!” Luffy exclaims around his ice-cream with scoops of pistachio, chocolate, and mint (they didn’t sell meat…) “Not as good as Sanji’s though…”

Ace grins, he’d only had ‘Sanji’s’ food… once? But it was the most amazing thing he’d ever tasted, and that included Thatch’s cooking.

“It is,” Koala agrees, grinning around her bubblegum flavoured treat.

They were passing under one of the bridges, when the temperature drops significantly and it felt like they’d never be happy again. They all immediately froze, for they knew what it was.

But why the hell was a dementor in Little Whinging?

“Stay back Luffy,” Sabo and Ace command. Everybody pulls out their wands, Suteki humming in displeasure at the feeling of the creature’s presence.

And then, the creature’s fingers clawed around the pass and Luffy just felt how cold it was. It should not have been so sad, but the creature…

Despite the absolute feeling of despair radiating from it, he thought that he could maybe feel somebody beneath the hood.

Ignoring everybody’s calls, he walks closer to it. The person had clearly faced the worst kind of treatment, but it most definitely was a person.

And then another floated into the overpass and light spews forth from their wands, shaped like their past bodies, protecting with a vengeance against the creature.

But overall, he felt cold hooks seep into his heart, and nobody would ever be happy again because-

Will-power surges forth from him, and the creatures let out inhuman screeches at the feeling, reaching spindly hands up to where their faces would've been and press down hard and desperately.

The group behind him stand with open mouths as the dementors pulled back their hoods, and instead of revealing the ugly maw they had seen once, their entire bodies turned to pure light.

“What…?” Thatch asks, astounded as the creatures, once the sole takers of any happiness left in the world, were taking despair away.

They all felt themselves become a little lighter, the pits of sadness and built up anxiety melting away in the midst of the new creatures.

Luffy looked at them both.

 _Thank you sir, you have freed us from what we once were_ , they seemed to say.

“Shishi, no problem!” He smiles, because he knew that whatever these people once were, they weren't that anymore.

_What would you care for us to do? We are indebted to you permanently. We have nobody left anymore; probably no descendants either…_

He frowns. “Whatever you want! You’re free.”

The two dementors (except, they weren't really dementors anymore…) bow deeply, swathed in their light, and they float away as abruptly as they had appeared.

He turns back to his nakama, only to find them all staring at him with open mouths. “What did you just… what did you do?” Sabo finally asks.

“What do you mean?” Luffy thinks that it was obvious enough.

“Those were dementors - what did you do?” Ace asks, white as a sheet.

“There were people underneath the hood, so I made them come out,” he says simply, and that was all it really was.

Koala frowns thoughtfully. “The dementors are recorded to exist due to the extreme torture of Ekrizdis. He lured muggle sailors within his little place in the North Sea, and then he would brutally torture them. The dementors were what was left behind by him, and for some reason, the minister in the 1700’s thought that it would be a fantastic idea to have them guard Azkaban. I guess that the muggles were truly in there after all this time?”

“They’ve probably been feeding partially off of memories as well, if we consider the dementor’s kiss…” Sabo says, shuddering.

“Why are you all so gloomy? They’re still people, just really sad people,” Luffy declares.

“Okay, I concede, he does have a point,” Thatch says, tugging on Ace’s arm.

“I can’t believe…” Ace chokes a little hysterically. He could have avoided that hell with haoshoku haki.

“I don’t think anyone else could do that,” Sabo mutters, glancing at his other brother in worry.

“I suppose,” Ace says, and finally Luffy hugs him.

“They won’t hurt you Ace,” he mutters into his brother’s chest. He knew that being in that prison screwed his older brother up a bit… Luffy knew that it wasn’t vocally said, but the dementors had really messed with his brother's mental health. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if he was trapped with those, especially with a strong enough reaction that he would pass out.

So, Ace was really, _really_ strong to have survived that mostly unscathed.

“I know little brother, I know…” Ace pets Luffy's head absentmindedly.

Thatch sighs, “I can’t believe they ruined our moment…”

Sabo sighs as well, “Do you still want to go out for dinner, then? Celebrate elsewhere, maybe?”

Thatch pretends to be offended. “What, my cooking not good enough for you?”

“There’s a really cool place that I always wanted to go to! It has pizza the size of me!” Luffy says excitedly. Without a second thought, he shoves his straw hat onto Ace’s unruly hair.

It was usually reserved for his crew - his brothers both knew how much he loved them. But, sometimes Ace needed a little bit more than what he usually gave everyone else.

Sabo grins at him, but he looked away innocently when Ace casts his gaze onto him.

* * *

There was only a little bit of celebration when they arrived back at Grimmauld Place.

“I wonder how long it’ll be before they realise that their water supply isn’t really water,” Thatch says with a laugh.

The prank was probably a bit excessive, Luffy thinks, but at least they didn’t beat the family up. That would’ve resulted in a man-hunt for them.

“I still think we should’ve just burnt down the entire place,” Ace comments. He was a lot better now that they had eaten and thoroughly enjoyed their evening.

(Eventually, while Luffy was sitting down, trying to do some homework, Ace shoved his hat his head and hugged him from behind.

It eventually devolved into a mock tackle competition, but his point was clear, and Luffy grins as brightly as the sun because of it.)

“But this way the goats will ensure that it’s impossible for them to grow grass naturally, and the glitter will eventually run out, leaving them without anything,” Thatch says in amusement.

Koala grins at them all and disappears for her work.

Otherwise, their holidays are rather tame - the brothers found time to go to the zoo and aquariums whenever possible.

And eventually the brothers cave and took him to the fabled ‘Rockledge’ that Luffy had yet to see. Marco had snorted and said that wizards tried to claim that they were the ones who created it.

They went to amusement parks and ate fairy floss and all of the food they shouldn’t have been eating, and they rode Ferris Wheels and watched movies, with Luffy catching them up on the ones they hadn’t seen.

After a lot more of begging, the two older brothers eventually gave in and took him to a clearing, and after setting up enough wards to hide a small army, Luffy stretched his arm back and snapped it forward, quick as ever.

Ace lithely dodges it, trying to wrap it around him, but Luffy brings it back before his brother can complete his counter-attack.

“Gear… Second!” he says, deciding, screw it, he was going all out, and it disappeared from view. It was only because of Ace’s incredible amount of training that he manages to dodge the Jet-Pistol…

“Higan!” he shoots at his brother, who - just as quickly as he did - dodges the well-aimed shots from his fingers.

Luffy’s arms blacken, and quicker than Ace can see, slam into him. “Gomu Gomu no… Hawk Bazooka!”

“Is that all you got Luffy?” Ace asks, panting and struggling to get up, and damn, his brother must have been training every day with his crew to get this strong this quickly.

Luffy grins. “Nah, I’ve got a cooler move to show you.”

His arm stretched back, and hardens with armament, it begins to steam. It comes forward, igniting. “Gomu Gomu no… Red Hawk!”

“Whoa.” Ace grins, barely managing to dodge the attack, which scorches the earth and manages to leave a small crater.

He doesn’t, however, manage to dodge the twin pistols.

As he lays down, staring up at the sky, he hears Thatch hit the bell, signalling the K.O.

“Wow, you actually won for once little brother,” he teases, ruffling Luffy’s hair. “What was-”

“I learnt it with Rayleigh!” Luffy says, proudly holding his arm.

“Rayleigh?” he asks, eyes darkening. He’d already heard the story with Sabo last year, but it never really sunk in that The Dark King was the guy who had trained his brother to become so strong.

“Yup,” Luffy says happily, “He’s a great guy - he’s the one who taught me Haki.”

He just grunts in response, and Sabo sighs, “Alright, let me have a go at Luffy.”

The two trade places within the field, and Sabo grins, pulling out his staff. They had planned to have a magic duel as well – not a particularly the formal one, but a fight with magic included.

Unleashing a barrage of punches on Sabo, Luffy attempts the first move by brute force.

Sabo just grins and swayed between the Gatling Gun, deflecting the ones that came close to him with his blackened staff.

“Damn,” Luffy huffs.

Regardless of the struggle, Luffy ends up victorious.

“Damn,” Sabo says, lying flat on his back.

And now, they were the weaker ones.

But, what had they expected from the second Pirate King?

* * *

Another week passes, and Luffy attempts to make progress on the stacks of homework he had, to no avail.

It wasn’t his fault; it was just so boring.

Although, the magic part was fun.

“Aceeeee,” Luffy whines, flopping over the lounge in Grimmauld Place. “We need to go.”

Thatch looks over in amusement at the whining teen (man?). “He has a point - we should leave now if we don’t want to be late.

The aforementioned fire-hazard is snoring into his food, blissfully ignorant of the food on his face. “Is Ace asleep again?” Sabo asks, grinning as he pulls his cravat on.

“Yeah,” Luffy moans. And he even packed his trunk!

“We really will be late if he doesn’t wake up.”

Koala suddenly appears in the middle of the living room, startling most of the occupants.

“I’m going to go get Jinbe. He hasn’t been able to pull away from Fishman Island affairs, but he wants to now,” she reports.

“Jinbe’s coming?”

She smiles indulgently. “Yeah, I’ll take him straight to the Burrow.”

“It’s only been a week, but I really want to see them…” He misses his crew. He did love spending time here with his brothers and Thatch, Marco, and Koala, but he loves his crew and nothing would truly ever make that love disappear. And Jinbe!

Sabo sighs and leans down next to his older (?) brother, and he whispers in his ear, “Luffy’s in trou-”

Immediately the black-haired man leaps up, flames already licking his shoulders. “Luffy’s in danger?”

Marco raises an eyebrow and Thatch snorts. “Ace! We have to go!”

Ace for the most part just looked disgruntled that he’d been awoken like that, again.

“Alrightio. We’re going to have to apparate to the outskirts of the Burrow since as there’s the highest amount of protection in there for all of us,” Thatch says, moving and collecting their trunks. He checks his watch and mutters something about not having enough time for the Knight Bus. “Have you apparated before?”

“Yup. Twice,” Luffy says, holding out two fingers.

“Twice? With who?” Ace asks.

“Zoro’s mum and the old-guy,” Luffy says.

“Dumbledore?” Sabo arches an eyebrow.

“Yup.”

He shrugs. “We ready everyone? Link arms,” Thatch instructs.

Staring at the picture of the Burrow, Luffy thinks really hard about it, and suddenly, they were being sucked into a tube and spat out onto fields of wheat.

On the outskirts, near where they had apparated, a gaggle of teenagers stand, waiting for them.

“Luffy!” they call, and suddenly he was engulfed by his nakama – including Hermione.

“Shishishi! Yo, everyone!”

They were a dog-pile, and Mrs. Weasley looks on in amusement, arms folded. “Let’s get the rest of you inside,” she says, and she begins ushering the remainder of their group inside the Burrow.

And with another loud crack, a large fish-looking man wearing a kimono appears, accompanied by Koala.

The woman left them to their reunion and travelled into the Burrow, where she informs Mrs. Weasley that they will be plus another person.

“Jinbe!”

The rest of the crew eye him in appreciation and tackle him. “Luffy-kun, everyone, it has been a while.”

“I’m so glad you’re here!” Luffy says, squeezing the fishman tightly.

“Where have you been?” Nami asks curiously, rocking back into a cross-legged position.

Everyone else follows suit. “Well, as you might have already heard, Fishman Island is above the water, has been for centuries, in fact, and it was only 50 years after your own demise that Fishman Island was officially raised to the surface. The World Government was completely different from the one which operated within the Great Pirate Era.

“They were rid of most of the corrupt marines, and even the Gorosei were removed from their pedestal. The Tenryūbito followed and soon the world was starting anew, the Revolutionaries true dream was realized, and a new Government took over. They soon took to freeing many of the slaves that were left over from the old government, and the pirates slowly started to dissipate. After the second war - now known as the ‘War for Freedom’ - there weren’t many pirates left anyway,” Jinbe says gravely. “I only know so much because it is passed down through the generations on Fishman Island. The history is not obscured. But anyway, the new government rectified the mistakes of the past and soon the world began to shift. Nobody truly knows how, but perhaps it was the amount of blood and magic bleeding into the land that made the world painstakingly change from the five seas into the world as we now know it.”

“So, the world shifted once more?” Robin asks curiously. “That is most peculiar - I would have expected that, judging by the stage of the world when the Grand Line and the four seas were created, it would have been the end of our world moving due to plate tectonics.”

“Well, it was not. From the new land, the new government imploded on itself after a while, and the world started to pick itself back up, and new colonies began to reappear from before the pirating era. I believe that the Ministry of Magic was created in the 1700’s and that they immediately tried to take Fishman Island. However, in doing so they went to war with a larger country.”

“Another country?”

“Mm, apparently, it was a war of giants and wizards.” Jinbe nods. “Nobody knows where the country is anymore, except that there are some officials within the Ministry that want to go to war with it.”

“Well, I’m glad that Fishman Island is above ground,” Luffy says with a large grin.

“As am I,” Jinbe says with an easy grin on his face.

“Now, how were your holidays?” Chopper asks in excitement.

Luffy smiles widely and began to recount his tales with about as much finesse as a baby duckling, tripping over his words and sentences.

“But we went to the zoo! Properly, this time. The last time I went, I accidentally locked my cousin into a snake display,” he says.

Usopp snorts. “Of course you did.”

“Oh! And we conducted the biggest prank on the Dursleys.” Luffy goes into detail about the prank they had laid onto the family. By the end, everybody was laughing hard because they deserved it, and they were glad that Ace and Sabo gave that family retribution for the hell they gave Luffy.

“Oh dear, that sounds like quite the fright,” Robin says, smiling widely.

“Yeah.”

“Ginny! Ron! Come help with dinner!” Mrs. Weasley calls.

“Do not fret, Nami-swan, I will help Mrs. Weasley with dinner. She won’t be able to keep up with the three bottomless pits now,” Sanji says, leaping up and glancing at Luffy.

“Shishishi, do you wanna spar later, Zoro?”

“Sure.”

They had only sparred a few times in the fields, and the Earth had much to show for it. Much of the grass had been burned away, and in some cases, caved inwards.

So, they had all decided to try and teach him as many spells as they knew. It had astounded them that he could simply think of a spell and it would happen – if his wand was feeling like it.

“Come on, I’ll give you two a tour of the Burrow,” Nami says, standing.

“It’s so cool!” Chopper cries in delight.

Brook yohos, “Yes, our house is quite quaint is it not?”

“Yeah! So cool!”

Inside, Sanji and Thatch were talking amicably about cooking while helping a harried-looking Mrs. Weasley formulate enough food for all of them.

“Hello, Harry.” The twins almost appear from upstairs. They both are carrying little tablets of something, and he thinks that they were about to do a really cool trick.

“Hey!” Luffy waved.

“Who are you?” they asked Jinbe, who was right behind Luffy.

“Pardon the intrusion. I am Jinbe, one of the ambassadors of Fishman Island.” He bows to where Mr. Weasley was jumping up, dusting his clothes off.

“Arthur Weasley; I work for the Ministry of Magic.” They shake hands.

“Pleasure to meet you. I’m sorry for not making you aware of my arrival prior to now,” he says, ever the perfect gentleman, and Koala winces.

“Sorry, that was kind of my fault too - it was kind of a last-minute decision to pick him up,” she says apologetically.

“No, no, no, not a problem at all,” Mr. Weasley assures. “Ron, can you show Mr. Jinbe to his room?”

“Of course, otou-san.” Brook smiles. “Come along Jinbe, Luffy.”

As they walked up the winding stair-case, Luffy admiring the moving pictures, the self-working chores, hell, even the awesome clock on the wall that showed where everybody was.

“Ahh! Your house is so cool! Not mundane like the Dursley’s, but awesome!” he says with a laugh.

“You can stay with your brothers, Marco, and Thatch in this room.” Nami gestures to one of the rooms to her right. “Jinbe, you can go with everybody else.

“That will be a tight fit…” Jinbe comments, sliding into the room.

“I believe so…”

Dinner was a relatively jovial affair (“No, Lu, don’t eat that! It’s mine!” and “So, how long have you-” thunk) that manages to bring a tear to Mrs. Weasley’s eyes. She places her hands against her heart. “I… thank you all for coming to our house.”

Mr. Weasley takes her hand and smiles. “It’s quite the joy to have you all here, gathered around us.”

Luffy grins around his mouthful of meat and Sanji ‘lightly’ kicks their captain under the table.

“Thank you for having us!” Sabo and Ace simultaneously stand and bowed deeply, causing the two to become mysteriously watery eyed.

The entire crew watch in awe, because, how polite were they?

* * *

The entire office is swathed in pink, moving pictures of kittens of all matter mewling within the plates adorning the walls.

Roses, eternally frozen in one moment in time, stand stiffly in a white porcelain vase.

The owner of the office sits down carefully at her mahogany desk. She had a mission - one that her father bestowed upon her when he was still alive – to destroy the vermin of the world; any who oppose the Ministry would have to perish.

Her father was killed a long time ago within the war. He is hailed as a war hero to that extent. She didn't care if she was to be a hero, just as long as the earth was free of those who deigned it their right to destroy what others had worked for.

The other chair was occupied by a portly man who twirls his emerald bowler hat idly in his hand. “So, you will take it?”

“Of course.” She smiles, saccharinely sweet, and she glances at the newspaper again. “I understand what must be done. Especially given… recent events, I feel it prudent to crack down and show them the authority we still possess.”

“They cannot gain too much power. If they do, you have my full authority to change the school as you see fit.”

She doesn’t frown like she wanted to. This man was a fool if he thinks that she doesn’t know what needs to be done.

In light of recent events… it has become clear who Harry Potter was to the woman, and she would destroy him.

It was her mission.


	2. Total Recall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fufu, I will declare them to meet at the Meade of Hogs on the Death of the Great King." Robin scrawls the message before handing it to her father.
> 
> \- In which spells are learnt, syllabus questioned and Diagon Alley trips attended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, i'm back so soon! don't get used to it lol, i just had a few chaps written out when i started writing this. also, y'know what's an excellent anime? Little witch academia, don't get me wrong, i don't really like Akko, but it's adorable and i love everyone else :) enjoy this chappie.

The holidays go quicker now that they’re all together and Mrs Weasley steadily becomes swamped despite the availability of magic at her fingertips.

She sometimes calls Nami and Brook to complete chores for her which they readily ignore, most of the time. Ace and Sabo help out occasionally, but they all know that the pressure is starting to come down on her.

“We’re going to Diagon Alley soon.” Mrs Weasley declares as she serves some of the thick hearty beef stew Sanji had _laboriously_ prepared for the household of… too many.

“That sounds lovely.” Hermione says taking a sip of the soup and almost failing not to squeal at how delicious it was, dammit, Draco Malfoy may come from a family of nobles but he sure knew how to cook.

“Oi Luffy, do you need to go to the bank?” Nami asks, beri signs lighting up her eyes.

Luffy shrugs, how much does he have? “Ish in ma shrunk.”

Zoro snorts, “We all know how bottomless that thing is.”

“You cannot talk!” Usopp declares, shrinking when Zoro casts a glare on him.

“At least I don’t bring a million paints.”

Usopp shrugs helplessly, “Apparently paints are _‘far beneath wizards, we use wands’._ ”

“Fufufu, I’ve been wondering how to send out our recall for a while now and I believe I could send out a message in the quibbler.” Robin says, sipping chai tea. “My father already knows that I am reincarnated, whether he believes that is another question to be answered.”

Nami leans forward, “So, the fleet? Are you just going to post an article?”

She shakes her head, eyes sliding to her captain, “I believe that a photo of our jolly roger should be enough.”

Ace shakes his head, “I still can’t believe you have a _fleet,_ little brother.”

“Don’t forget the numerable allies, including the ever-elusive Minks and the entirety of the Wano kingdom.” Sabo adds, stealing one of Ace’s pieces of bread who stares blankly at the stolen bread and then shouts,

“Hey!” He’s clearly very tired, Chopper had to prescribe him something to sleep better at night when his narcolepsy plays up and his sleeping schedule becomes messed up.

Sabo shrugs and throws the bread back to him. Marco and Thatch smirks, “That gives us an idea to send out a recall order of our own.” Marco adds, “You’d most likely have the entire Whitebeard support if we asked them.”

“Yeah, I can’t believe a scrawny kid like you became the King,” Thatch says, “I always imagined Pops would, or even Shanks.”

“Pops would have taken the crown if he wanted it,” Ace replies, “for that matter, Shanks probably could have as well.”

“Regardless, the entirety of fish-man island is with you, Luffy.” Jinbe nods, “It is a story that has been passed down between the generations that they shall know about the Straw Hat crew who fought to protect them.”

Luffy shrugs, “Didn’t ask them to, they all pledged their loyalty to me or whatever.”

Ace snorts at that, “Actually that reminds me, how did you guys even meet each other? What made you want to be on this idiot’s crew?”

Zoro smirks, “Bribed me while I was tied up…” at Ace’s raised eyebrow he shrugs and says, “saved me from execution and Shell’s town.”

“That sounds…”

“Interesting.” Sabo finishes for Ace.

“Luffy saved me and my town.” Nami says simply, the other Weasley’s are watching on in silence, most don’t really know but they know that their oldest did some weird shit when he was younger.

Especially when he began to grow this wondrous weed in their backyard, he would recount tales of the high sea.

“You?” Sabo asks, turning to Sanji.

“Saved my old man’s ship from pirates.”

“He saved Kaya’s life and my island from pirates.”

“Luffy saved my island and destroyed the dictator.”

“Saved my life and declared war on the world government.”

“Saved me from Impel Down and promised me passage to Marineford.”

“Yohoho, saved me from insanity and regained my shadow.”

“It would seem that Luffy has a habit of saving people.” Sabo says dryly.

“He really saved _all_ of you?” Ace asks incredulously.

“Are you really that surprised?” Zoro asks, arching an eyebrow, “I’m sure you’ve noticed that he kind of has the charms of someone who saves people.”

“True.” Sabo nods, thinking of the way that Luffy definitely saved Ace, and probably him from living out a life within the stuffy confines of his parents’ house.

“Shishishi,” He grins, stuffing his face, it is then that Ace and Sabo look down to their plates, or, their _empty_ plates.

“Luffy!” They both roar and dive for their brother, the other Weasley’s stand up in shock as they begin to wrestle, trying to force the food from their rubber brother.

“I’m shorry!” He tries to say underneath the two but neither listen to reason.

Mrs Weasley sighs, “I need a cigarette.”

 _That_ causes the fighting to stop, Percy and Arthur’s jaws dropping to the table, Fred and George are also speechless, something _nobody_ thought was possible.

Molly seems to realise what she said and blushes scarlet, “Let me go fix you all up some tea.” She hurries into the kitchen.

“Wow, never knew mum had it in her.” Fred says.

“I think she broke Dad and Perce.” George adds, both other Weasley’s are as pale as a sheet.

“Damn,” Nami whispers, looking after her mother, naturally she had no problem with parental figures smoking around her given that Bell-mère had sometimes chain-smoked around her and Nojiko.

But Molly had never really smoked, except for that one time her older brother had enticed her into smoking the marijuana he kept in the back-yard.

She had a feeling that Arthur _knew_ what it was, he just didn’t care.

Brook thinks that perhaps Molly has reached her wits ends, she _has_ been under a lot of stress lately, probably dealing with so many people has not helped her positively.

When Molly returns and plops down the oat, apple pie, it seems to snap the pair out of their stupor and decide to turn their attention elsewhere, the warning way that Molly had carved the pie seemed to scare them away from asking any further questions.

The rest of the dinner passed without event, thankfully.

And so they return to their game of throwing gnomes over into the wilderness, the one winning, by _far,_ being Luffy.

Later, after the gnomes have been forcefully evicted from their temporary home, Ace and Sabo exchange a hidden glance and say, “There’s some spells we want to teach you, Jinbe, you’re probably aware of them too.”

“Mm, I can guess what the particular spell is that you wish to teach them.” Jinbe replies.

“Welp, everyone outside, that includes you lot, Fred, George, Percy.” Sabo nods.

 Marco and Thatch are clearly prepared for what the two are going to teach them because they’re already outside, wands out.

“So, in the holidays we unfortunately managed to gain the attention of a dementor.” Sabo begins as they all pile out into the yard, “They’re the vilest creatures in existence, they were tormented as mortals by an insane wizard on what is now Azkaban. They feed off all happiness in a futile attempt to regain enough for themselves.”

“Thus, it is necessary for you lot to know how to protect yourselves against them.” Thatch says.

Fred and George shudder, “Those things are bloody terrifying, we’ve only seen them before but god, it felt… so cold.”

“That being said, it seems that Luffy has a penchant for being able to… _change_ the dementors.” Ace adds.

“How so?” Robin asks, intrigued.

The group shrug.

“What happened?” Nami asks Luffy.

He also shrugs unhelpfully, “They’re still people, just hidden under masks of misery, I just made them come out.”

“Of course you did.” Sanji mutters under his breath, fingers twitching for a cigarette.

Zoro is calm, it probably doesn’t surprise the man as much as it should. “So, how can we defend ourselves against them?”

“There’s a spell,” Thatch says, throwing down his arm, causing his wand to slip out of his coat sleeve, “it works by using pure happiness to ward yourself against it, that manifestation of your happiness, it is the key protector of, well, you.”

“That’s called a patronus.” Marco says, “Repeat after me, _expecto, patronum._ ”

“Expecto patronum!” And white light spews forth from Ace, Sabo, Thatch, Marco and Jinbe’s wands.

In front of them are their older bodies, they can all feel it, the _happiness_ radiating from their beings.

Marco repeats the motion flicking his wand and the group follow his motion – without wands – even Luffy, despite the redundancy of the motion.

“Now, the hard part of this spell is finding your _happiest_ memory.” Sabo says, “It didn’t take me long, but I always _knew_ when I was happiest.”

Two integral parts will forever be his happiest memory, sure, Koala had created a _ton_ of happy memories, but, the day they became brothers will forever be ingrained into his mind, the elation of having family that didn’t expect him to conform to high standards.

He knows that Ace’s memory was different, but that’s okay, he has a funny feeling he knows what it is, same as Marco and Thatch.

Zoro sighs, happiest memory? The memory of Kuina is sometimes tarnished, overlooked by the mere thought that _she was dead,_ no amount of trying would rectify that, but, he did think that declaring their promise was probably his happiest.

If it failed, then he has a fair share of memories from Luffy and his _nakama._

Nami smiles sadly, the day she remembers as brightly as the sun, Bell-mère had a long day in the fields and then trying to sell her precious _mikan._ Nojiko and her had been trying all day to make her dinner and by the end of the day they succeeded in cooking chicken bathed in mikan sauce.

The look on Bell-mère’s face had been what stuck with Nami through the _awful_ times with Arlong, of course, Nojiko too. But it was by far, the day she _truly_ felt like Belle-mere’s daughter.

Usopp knows that his happiest memory is quite ironic if anything, the day that Luffy had left him back to his crew. The day he knew that _he_ was on the crew of the future Pirate King. It had been an exhilarating rush to the head, and he knew that it was true happiness for the bonds he had formed with this family were the greatest he ever knew.

Sure, he loved Kaya, but, he loved the sea probably more. And anything related to the sea automatically was dealt to Luffy, thus, the warm feeling of freedom that ensconced him when he looked out at the sea filled him with true happiness.

Sanji hadn’t had a very nice childhood, but, irrespective of that, his happiest moment he ever remembers was slaving over that little bento box for his mother, it wasn’t very good. He knew it, the maid knew it.

And yet, his mother had stomached it all, and had the _gall_ to call it delicious. He loved his mother so _very much,_ as much, if not more than his father. Not shitty Vinsmoke, no, a man that loved him enough to eat his own leg. It was the only clear memory of his mother, thus, his happiest with her.

Chopper had only one father, he felt an all-encompassing warmth when thinking of his father despite the overwhelming grief that came with other parts of that particular memory. The moment that Doctor Hiruruk had given him food and a place to call home.

The memories that accompanied that were tinged with sadness yes, but he refused to let his stupidity tarnish _his_ memory. And if that did not work, then he knew that the day Luffy dragged him onto the crew would _definitely_ be enough.

Robin had very few happy memories from her life before the straw hat crew. Yes, she had become an accomplished scholar in her own right, from what the scholars taught her. But they still had kept her at arms-length and eventually been burned.

No matter how hard she tried, she could not ignore the smell of burning flesh and vegetation as she had sailed away. So, she knew what memory best fit this category, there had been a choice and suddenly all she had known fell away from her.

She was allowed to live? Then she would! And fulfil not only her dreams, but the dreams of the scholars that had taught her and _Saul,_ who taught her that _everyone_ had nakama.

Brook could live life without regrets, in his own humble opinion.

He had seen the Pirate King until the very end of the line, he had sailed the world, twice, once in his own skin, the other in bones of sorrow. And again! He would be sailing in the skin of Ronald Weasley.

But, by far, his happiest moment was the moment they returned to the beginning, the red line, and the Twin Capes. They had journeyed until Brook had seen the lighthouse and lit up in joy. And he was finally able to commit the promise he had made so, _so_ long ago.

Laboon was well and fine and it was thanks to Luffy-san and Crocus-san! Oh, what a joyous occasion it had been!

Jinbe used the memory he felt as he had looked down at Luffy, looking so small in the light of Fish-man island. That was when he knew that he would join the insane man for the end of his life. Watching the little tube of blood transfer into his small body, he broke the social stigmas and laws.

Luffy was key to that as well. He knew it, and thus, his happiest moment is the serenity in that moment between them both, it was rare to get him so quiet (unless he was asleep).

“Now, have you all got a memory?” Ace asked, he could tell by the serenity that most of them already had.

The group nods.

“No,” Luffy says with a huff, “ah! It’s so hard to choose, there’s too many memories.”

Thatch snorts, “Okay, just focus on one of them, maybe the first one?”

“Okay.” He smiles, remembering the feel of a hat being pressed onto his small head, overshadowing his eyes as he watches the pirate ship sail away.

“Good.” Sabo murmurs, trying not to break their moment, “Think of that particular memory and utter the incantation – with wands.”

Thirteen voice cry in tandem, “Expecto Patronum!” with varying degrees of success.

Hermione’s wand spews wisps of light but does not hold enough substance to take shape into her patronus.

Percy looks at his wand with mild disdain as it only procures a spiderweb of light.

The twins, despite their sweating, manage to hold a solid figure for a few moments before it falls away.

In front of the straw hats, their older, _old,_ bodies stand before them, standing vigil for them.

They smirk and let loose a string of attacks with the light, but what’s better is the pure amount of happiness resonating from the beings.

A few are sweating at the strain of holding such a spell for an extended period of time, but they hold steady until eventually they allow it to disperse into thin air.

“What were they?” It’s Percy who asks, looking intrigued and a little terrified of them.

Hermione gasps when she realises just exactly their patronus’ are, who knew that patronus’ could take form as human rather than an animal?

“Well, that was, slightly unexpected-yoi.” Marco coughs, at the thought of such _teens,_ being able to hold such a difficult spell, but then he remembers _who_ they are, it’s not _that_ surprising that one of the strongest crews in the history of the Great Pirate Era were still strong as hell.

Percy is clearly jealous that not one, but _two_ of his younger siblings had the spell before he did.

“Now, we wanted to find a dementor to have you practice on, but, seeing as that would be too dangerous, there’s not a whole lot we can do.” At that, the pirates and revolutionaries pout, because, was _anything_ too dangerous? Sabo says with a sigh.

“Are there other creatures that a patronus is required to defend against?” Hermione asks.

“Well, yes,” Marco replies, frowning slightly, “their name is Lethifold, and they’re quite similar to a dementor in a few aspects, particularly being their appearance. However, they like to devour people instead of souls, they’re still classed as dangerous as dementors so they’re out. Those are the two main ones I think.”

“Let’s try it again, see how long you can hold it.” Thatch says, holding out his own wand.

In the end, the twins manage to hold an incorporeal form of their patronus and Hermione manages to create a vague outline of hers (Luffy suspects it is a duck, for what reason, he cannot vocalise). Percy, for all his trying, only manages to get a few wisps.

“Alright, I think that’s enough today, unless you wanna spar?” Ace asks Sabo cheekily.

Sabo huffs, “You got beaten by him too.”

“Koala-san, would you care to spar?” Robin asks, an easy smile on her face despite the shivers it sends down most backs.

“Of course Robin!” Koala says excitedly, it’s been a while since she could go all-out, she’s mostly busy dealing with the ministry of magic.

Chopper and Usopp exchange a glance and decide that now would be a perfect time to spar, that or exercise.

“Lu, wanna go again?” Sabo asks, he glances at Ace, “With Ace this time.”

The grin he’s left with is blinding and the trio move _far_ away from the Burrow.

Nami thinks that taking on Jinbe sounds like a good idea, and invites the fishman to a challenge.

“Wanna go against Marco and I. Sanji, Zoro?” Thatch asks with an easy grin.

The pair exchange a glare, “I thought we promised to never work together again?” Zoro growls.

“We did, but, they’re Whitebeard pirates.” Sanji grunts in response.

“I believe you have a point shitty-cook.” Zoro says, wand clenched around the handle of Wado, Shusui and Kitetsu in his hands.

“Don’t test me moss-head.” Sanji taps his shoes lightly against the ground, lighting up a cigarette.

Zoro grins ferally and Thatch has to admit, he looks like the world’s greatest swordsman in that moment.

But, Thatch has prepared to be a competent swordsman as well, sure, it’s small, but size doesn’t always mean everything, and the pair of them are far more knowledgeable about spell work compared to the late bloomers.

They remove themselves from anywhere in sight of the Burrow, they can already see sky-high flames over a few kilometres, and they hope for a moment that the trio _won’t_ burn down the field.

Nobody moves for a moment; the whole world seems to be sucking in its’ breath in anticipation.

“Senhachiju diable spectre pound ho!” The pair cry, Zoro hurling an air attack at the duo, coupled with Sanji flying towards them, leg on fire.

Marco stands still, raising both hands up in busoshoku haki against the onslaught, Thatch has disappeared, as nimble as a fox.

Zoro sways out of the way of a downward slash from Thatch with his sword, fox-fire coating his short-sword.

“Baki!” Shusui slices in a powerful downward arc and instead of fleeing, Thatch meets it head on, stopping the blow with his short-sword.

Marco leaps into the sky on wings of flames and goes to swoop Zoro but is stopped by Sanji “Diable collier strike!”

It goes straight through Marco’s flaming body and without pause, Marco claws at Sanji who uses soru to dodge.

Zoro cries “Kokujo, o tatsumaki!” and the sky begins to darken with the force released, within seconds a literal hurricane touches down where Thatch was standing a hot second prior, he’s not done however, and reappears next to Thatch his two of three blades spinning. “Ichidai sanzen daisen sekai!”

Thatch barely misses the attack which goes on past the horizon, literally splitting the sky apart.

“Damn.” He whispers, his tails have always managed to keep him out of trouble due to the mobility of them, but, one of their tips are cut at the very end where he wasn’t quick enough to avoid that last slice.

He returns fire by hurling a sheet of fire at the man, being a kitsune, he had few natural abilities, but, he had a natural affinity for fire and sometimes his tails could dole out electricity like nothing else, he gets in close, moving to the man’s blades, conducting electricity through them.

Zoro growls in return and slices downwards once more, Thatch is actually beginning to tire, and it’s clear that his adversary is as well.

In a last-effort measure he pulls out his wand and begins to fire a multitude of spells at the man in the hopes that he would slip up. Zoro casually strolls forward through the layers of spells, deflecting them with his swords, little effort put into the motions.

He huffs again and ducks to avoid the spectral fire aimed his way, Sanji lands on both feet, bruised and probably with a few broken bones, Marco’s looking fine but tired.

“It was just getting interesting love-cook.” Zoro growled around his sword and wand, how did he do that?

Sanji sighs around a new cigarette, “I think it’s clear that neither of us would win.”

“I don’t know about that.” Thatch mutters, side-eyeing the swordsman.

Zoro sighs and sheaths his swords, “Good spar.”

“It was.” Thatch concedes, sheathing his own short-sword.

“Maybe next time we can go all out.” Sanji remarks and Zoro nods.

Thatch didn’t think Zoro was holding back, he was. But he thought the swordsman was as well.

They trudge back to the burrow where Chopper admonishes them despite the burns in his fur and chipped hooves.

The other Weasley’s look at them reverently for they had seen the fire licking the sky and the hurricanes. It was simply insanity.

A few days later Molly announces, with a cigarette in between her lips, “We’re off to Diagon Alley tomorrow.” They had all received their requirement lists, and Luffy’s had arrived alongside everyone else’s which had made Ace and Sabo frown at each other.

Almost no-one understood the significance of that, except for Robin whose nose had upturned when hers had arrived alongside the others. She thought that the ministry would still believe her to be at her father’s.

It simply means that the trace is still very much active, and not in the way to prevent accidents.

To be honest, they’re all sure that Mrs Weasley is going to lose it soon, even Percy had only turned his nose up in disdain at his mother’s behaviour instead of trying to admonish her when she showed them the letters with her cigarette.

That was how bad it was. Although, he was about to become insufferable, according to Nami and Brook, due to the fact that he got the Hogwarts letter telling him that he was Head Boy of Gryffindor. 

“Ahhh, remember the good old days when James became Head Boy?” Ace asks in amusement, “He always turned a blind eye when Thatch pranked anybody.”

“Mm, and they wanted to make _me_ a prefect.” Sabo says in mild disdain.

“You wouldn’t want to be?” Percy asks in surprise.

Sabo shakes his head vehemently, “No way. Marco became Head boy of Hufflepuff, I bet you liked that power, didn’t you?”

Marco sighs, “I did it in hopes that I could slightly control you lot, yoi. None of you had no self-restraint, yoi.”

Koala grins, “Didn’t work, did it?”

“Of course not,” Thatch laughs, “we’re too wild to be tamed by a measly Head boy.”

“Fufufu, perhaps Nami would consider becoming Head girl, you may very well earn a profit out of it.” Robin says lightly, with a laugh.

Nami’s eyes turn to beli signs, at that, everyone in the near vicinity slowly backs away as to not be caught in her money web. “Oh, think of all the Slytherin’s I could rob.”

“Now you’ve gone and done it, Robin.” Usopp says quietly so he doesn’t garner her attention.

“Fufufu, it _would_ be quite profitable.”

“The witch better not tax me…” Zoro mutters, equally quiet, he would easily admit it, he didn’t want to become in debt to the witch.

“Shishishi, Nami would be a good Head girl.” Luffy, the brave soul, declares.

“I’m going to be rich!” She cries in ecstasy.

“That’s the way little sister,” Fred says.

“you’ll be able to help us start off our joke store.” George finishes.

“Only if I receive 50% of your profit.” She immediately says.

“30%” Fred argues.

“55%” She says firmly, the family watching on as they would a tennis game.

“40%” George says and Nami sighs.

“Fine, I can live with 40% profit.”

“Wow, that’s the furthest I’ve seen her go down.” Usopp murmurs to the twins, “If you need any help inventing stuff, you can look to me!”

The twins share identical grins, “Funny that, we’ve been meaning to make a ‘skiving box’ with treats that get you out of class.”

“Ooh, that sounds so cool!” Usopp laughs.

The trio retreat to their combined room, notebooks out, they had business to attend to.

The following morning, they pack into the mini-bus that an unassuming size from the exterior but pleasantly large inside. The Ministry had provided them with it, “Why’d they give you guys the bus?” Luffy asks, tilting his head.

The tips of Mr Weasley’s ears turn bright red and Mrs Weasley turns to glare at Brook whose head is already hanging in shame, “Oh.”

 The adults able to apparate do so, they don’t really want to be in such a confined space.

“See ya’s soon!” Luffy smiles sunnily from between Zoro and Sanji who were already arguing, Nami looks like she was getting a headache already.

The drive was disturbed constantly by Sanji and Zoro fighting over Luffy’s head who leaned over to the window constantly, giving them a little leeway. It went on until Nami _politely,_ asked them to shut the hell up.

Brook was singing loudly as always, in tune to the latest hits of the 90’s. He simply adored the old rock and roll, even glam-rock. And many a time he could be found tuning into their radio and playing along wildly to the hits.

Molly sighs and lit up in the car, most of the occupants jaws dropped. “What?”

Sanji was twitching for a cigarette as well, it was why he’d been even more irritable in the morning and short with even the ladies.

When they arrived outside the run down Leaky Cauldron, they poured inside to see the group that had apparated there buried in newspapers, whatever they were reading was not pleasant and when they approached, they broke apart.

Sabo tugged Luffy aside, Ace trailing after the pair. “Just wait a minute, yoi.” Marco says to the group who smile at the barkeep.

“Ne, what’s wrong?” Luffy asks, the pair are quite upset about something and it’s starting to worry him.

“Do you know why your parents – well, James and Lily – are dead?” Sabo asks quietly.

“Because a rat-guy leaked information to Voldemort and he killed them.” Luffy replies.

“Yes, well, he’s been spotted near Hogwarts.” Ace spits in revulsion. “That sly, _dirty_ son of a­­-”

“We think that he might be after you.” Sabo says. “We’re the reason he was found out, so he’ll probably try and hurt us in any way possible.”

“And we _told_ him, _told_ him bloody well everything.” Ace growls, throwing a hand through his hair, clearly vexed about the entire situation “You won’t even be safe in the mys- Room of Requirement, because we used to use it.”

Luffy’s voice is deeper than what it usually is, and it takes Ace a few seconds to realise the pure, unadulterated rage reverberating through his voice, “He was your friend, wasn’t he?”

“Yes, he was.” Sabo says, face grim.

“When I find him, he will be yours.” That was a promise, the pair knew it, Luffy wouldn’t make such a vow lightly.

“Thank you, little brother.” Ace says and promptly they both hug him tightly.

They detach from each other and bring out the requirements list, Luffy had to buy new books for new subjects. There’s also another book on the list for Defence Against the Dark Arts, _Defensive Magical Theory_ , by Wilbert Slinkhard.

“Let’s go!” Luffy cries after greeting Tom, the barkeep and to the regular patrons who seem to shrink away from Ace and Sabo.

“Let’s go to the bank first, I’ll get money out for you Luffy.” Sabo says.

“I have my own money.” Luffy replies.

“He really does,” Nami says, the treasurer, “his parents left _a lot_.”

“Huh, okay then.” Ace says, they had both been prepared to pay for all costs quite frankly, regardless of whether it sent them into debt or not.

The large white building filled to the brim with goblins and treasure comes into sight, Ace refuses to enter, “They always give me odd looks when I go in there.” He mutters insistently.

“Zoro!” Mary cries out and the man smiles at her genuinely. “Molly, Arthur, how are you both?”

“Quite fine.” Molly says, thankfully having finished her cigarette.

Robin manages to slink away from the crowd, she knows where she will find her father, she has a favour to ask of him.

Naturally, he is within the depths of the divination store, delving through the shelves of miscellaneous junk and treasures. “Hello father.”

“Robin! How are you my dear?” Xenophilius asks kindly.

“I’m quite well, enjoying the time with my nakama.” She replies. “I actually have a favour to ask of you.”

“Ask away Robin.” He says, eyes sparkling.

“Would you be willing to dedicate the front page of the Quibbler to a particular image?” She asks.

Her father seems to consider it for a moment, so she adds, “It is to send out a recall order to the Straw Hat fleet.”

“A fleet? Goodness, of course you may, just try to stay out of trouble with the ministry, won’t you?”

“Of course, father.” She smiles widely.

“So, how do you want the recall order phrased, in code?”

“Could the front cover be this?” She slips him a small flag Usopp crafted.

“Of course, would you like an article within the Quibbler as well for instructions?”

“Sure, I believe I know a language that may be well suited for this endeavour. Would you mind if I wrote it out now?”

“Go right ahead.”

On the piece of parchment she pulls out of her robe, she scrawls in Japanese kanji, ‘Meade of Hogs, death of The Great King.’

They’d know what she meant, they all did. The day that their world had come crashing down over their heads.

“Please add this, in the kanji in the Quibbler, and make sure it is distributed worldwide.”

“Anything for you Robin.” He pulls her into a hug that she melts into, she always did love Xenophilius.

“Thank you so much, do you mind if I shop with the Weasley’s?”

“Of course not.” He smiles and gives her a kiss on the head. “Oh, but do take these will you?”

He presses a beautiful shawl into her hands, beads running through the supple dark blue material. It doesn’t make a sound as it moves either and Xenophilius says, “It supresses noise when you wear it, if you’re going to be hunted by the World Government, best you be silent, the pockets are extended as well. Please be safe Robin.”

She basks in the warmth of having a parent fuss over her and hugs him again, “I cannot make promises father, but I will try.”

“That’s all I ask.”

And she allows her kenbunshoku haki to flow out of her, feeling the limitless amount of souls within Diagon Alley, she finds her group in Flourish and Blots.

“Robin-chan! I’m glad you’re safe!” Sanji cries.

“Fufu, I had to see my father for a moment, the order has been sent, April next year.” She says to them all.

“April?” Thatch asks, “Not that it’s my business, but why April?”

“That’s the month that Luffy-san was executed.” Brook says gloomily.

“It was the only date I believed they would recognise off the bat.” Robin replies.

“Yes, the ministry certainly won’t recognise the wording of it.” Nami says.

“Let’s get our supplies guys,” Luffy says, he doesn’t want to talk of his own death, the day he abandoned all of them and they’re all quite happy to agree.

“We all have to purchase _Defensive Magical Theory,_ ” Chopper frowns at the book in his hands, he flicks through a few pages, “there’s nothing about _practical_ magic in here.”

Sabo gives it a once-over and agrees with the doctor, “Whoever you have for Defence Against the Dark Arts is likely going to be inexperienced.”

The store-owner approached them looking quite harried, “Hogwarts?”

“Yeah, we need-”

“Out of my way,” The manager cuts _Zoro_ off of all people, pulling on thick gloves and moving to a display of… what exactly _were_ they?

They were books, but they were _attacking_ each other, two gripped a third with their ‘teeth’ and began to violently rip them apart. “Stop it! Stop!” He cried desperately, opening the cage. “I’m never stocking them again, never! It’s been bedlam! I thought we’d seen the worst when we bought two hundred copies of the Invisible Book of Invisibility — cost a fortune, and we never found them…”

While he’s talking he snaps his wand at the books, tying them up in rope from beside the cage, he pulls a stack of five out and places it on the table and returns for the other five. “Thank god they didn’t bite me.” He mutters. “What else do you need?”

“We need Unfogging the Future by Cassandra Vablatsky.” Usopp says, glancing at his list.

“Divination huh?” The manager strips off his gloves and leads them to a table of ‘predicting the future’ books.

He climbs up on the ladder connected to the shelf, pulling down enough books for them, “Here you go, Unfogging the Future, very good guide to all your basic fortune-telling methods — palmistry, crystal balls, bird entrails.”

“That sounds pleasant.” Robin smiles deviously despite not beginning divination this year.

“Anything else?” The manager says, sliding his eyes away from Robin cautiously.

“Mm.”

Ten minutes later they walk out of Flourish and Botts with stacks of books floating between them. It’s far easier than carrying them and levitation charms don’t take a whole lot of effort if you’re strong.

They completed all of their shopping in a relatively short amount of time, surprisingly enough so they strolled into Florean and Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour, each ordering a ridiculously large serving of ice cream.

“So good.” Chopper moans, licking the treat attentively.

Florean Fortescue himself chuckled at the reaction, “I’m glad you like it so much young man.”

Chopper blushed a little at that, “What’s not to like about it?”

“That’s the spirit.”

“I think I want to buy a duck.” Hermione declares, licking her fingers clean of her triple decked strawberry, mint, ice-cream.

“A duck? Are you sure you don’t want an owl?” Mr Weasley asks curiously.

“Quite certain.” So, after they all finish their delectable ice-creams, they cross to the ‘Magical Menagerie’.

It was quite packed inside, most of the walls taken up by cages filled to the brim with animals, it was quite smelly and noisy from the owls and other animals in the cages to which Chopper talked to a few. He had to leave for the smell was too much for his over-sensitive nose to bear.

A pair of enormous purple toads sat gulping wetly and feasting on dead blowflies. A gigantic tortoise with a jewel-encrusted shell was glittering near the window, enticing the rich to venture within the store. Poisonous orange snails were oozing slowly up the side of their glass tank leaving a vibrant coloured trail on the glass.

A fat white rabbit kept changing into a silk top hat and back again with a loud popping noise – Luffy had wanted it immediately and clapped for it as it changed. Then there were cats of every colour, rubbing against each other and purring loudly as they neared. There was also a basket of funny custard-coloured furballs that were humming loudly to which Usopp declared they were kneazles. And on the counter, a vast cage of sleek black rats that were playing some sort of skipping game using their long, bald tails.

However, Hermione went straight for one of the cages near the counter – there was a wizard seeking advice on taking care of double-ended newts – and peered into the glass cage of, lo and behold, a few ducks.

They were small and every time they shook their wings, they became immediately airborne.

“I want one.”

“Do you feel right at home, turkey?” Thatch asks, cackling along with Ace at the expression adorning Marco’s face. It looked like he had swallowed a particularly sour lemon and stepped in dog shit.

“Be careful, _kitsune,_ perhaps you’ll end up in a cage, yoi.” Marco replies.

“You wouldn’t _dare._ ” Thatch replies cheekily.

In the end, after the novelty of the animals wears off, most of their group leaves the little shop, save for Luffy and Hermione. “He’s adorable, isn’t he?”

The duck in question has an abnormally large bill and squawks every minute or so, fluttering it’s little, powerful wings.

Luffy thinks that its’ name should be Carue. “The guy’s left.” He points out.

Hermione thanks him quietly and turns to the witch behind the counter, “How much for this little guy here?”

“For him, I’ll sell him to you for 5 galleons.” The saleswoman says with exuberance.

“Done.”

“Here we go- CROOKSHANKS NO!” The woman yells in desperation as a furball of orange soars over the counter, and straight into Luffy’s arms.

“Hello there, little guy.” He says in surprise, he didn’t expect a cat today.

“I’m so sorry, he gets a little stir-crazy, Crookshanks has been in here for a while, no-one really wants him.” The witch says apologetically.

Hermione sighs heavily, “How much for both of them?”

The saleswoman looks up in surprise, “For both? I’ll do 7 galleons, a real deal miss.”

“I believe you have a deal.” Hermione says, Crookshanks looks at her with his squashed face and makes the jump from arms to arms.

“Shishishi, I like him, you’re a cool cat-kneazle, Crookshanks.” Luffy laughs.

Crookshanks purrs in his new owner’s arms.

They leave the store with Carue and Crookshanks, surprising the group with their _two_ pets.

They leave Diagon Alley, in only two days will they be returning to school.

The next day passes as revision of the things they learnt last year and finding the things they’ll need for the following day.

They’re all still very unprepared in the morning and it takes a bit of bribing in the morning to make Luffy get up. “Nng?”

Getting their trunks packed is another matter, everything is _everywhere._ And Suteki is being quite grumpy in the morning, Luffy supposes it’s because he hasn’t been using them as much.

Eventually Marco takes pity on him as Ace and Sabo laugh at him as Suteki flings his clothes _everywhere_ instead of inside the trunk. 

“After you, Luffy.” Ace says, pushing him towards the platform.

They all manage to make it onto the Scarlet train this time. “I’ll see yas at Christmas time!” Luffy yells out the window, they’re a little squashed inside their carriage but that’s okay.

“See ya! Don’t make too much trouble!” Ace and Sabo cry together.

“Be good!” Mrs Weasley yells out to them.

When the platform is out of sight he pulls his head back in the window, “This is going to be a fun year!”


	3. The Beginning Of A Bright Year?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That _bastard_ of a woman!" Sanji cries in distress as Robin, pale as snow, drinks soft-drink as quickly as Franky does cola.
> 
> "Sanji-kun, now that we know that she can do that... well, we'll find a way to counteract the sea-prism stone." Robin says, looking much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, a month passes like that doesn't it? Well, here it is, the last 'happy' chapter. God i've been watching Torchwood and i honestly feel like im dissociating when i watch it, like, how is it a real show?? how?? It's a shittier, British version of Supernatural. Oh, and i wrote like 13k worth of fanfiction for a gay LWA AU, so there's that. I'm on holidays now (finafuckingly) and i have a job! And i'm going to Japan next year! Wow, a lot happens in a month doesn't it?

“Hmm, so, Hogsmeade?” Luffy asks curiously eyeing the permission note he was supposed to have signed.

“Idiot, you forgot to get it signed.” Zoro says swiping at his captain.

They’re quite squished into the one compartments, some of them have been starting to bulk up and gain muscle mass, thanks to Sanji’s careful preparation of meals and their dedication to training, they’ve all started to gain muscles.

Especially Robin, she multi-tasks while reading between flicking the pages of the book and lifting weights, it’s really easy for her to accomplish.

“Eh, I can just sneak out anyway.” Luffy points out.

“Probably.” Usopp agrees.

The sunny day unfortunately turns to a terribly cloudy day, wind and rain howling amongst blackened clouds, sucking any light out of the sky save for when lightning flashes down, illuminating the hillside.

“Those patronus’ are so cool.” Chopper declares with his face pressed against the cold window.

“Yeah, they are.” Luffy agrees with a smile.

“I wonder whether there is anything they can be used for.” Robin ponders. “Can they become corporeal?”

“Who knows?” Chopper says.

“One way to find out.” Nami adds and with a whispered word her patronus appears, with a flick of her wrist, part of her sorcery clima-tact sails through the patronus harmlessly.

“Cool!”

“It’s not very useful cos it can’t touch anyone.” Zoro says, eyeing the piece of Nami’s weaponry, he wisely steers clear.

“True, although, it can be used as a signal.” Robin says, giving another wistful look at the creature. “By the way Luffy, pass that will you?” she gestures to his permission slip, he passes it over compliantly and without another thought Robin reaches into her bag and signs the sheet for him.

“Thanks Robin!” Luffy grins.

“No problem, Luffy, although I fear that they might detect that it was not the intended target’s signature.”

Hermione leans forward, pulling out her wand, “I’m not sure… but I think that you can obscure the writer with something like…” she mutters softly and taps the parchment, it glows in agreement before fading back to inky black.

“Cool!”

Brook began to play, he _always_ kept a violin on his very person, he did so to alleviate his friends’ boredom, even so, the train-trip was rather miserable, gloomy with rain pouring down in sheets and buckets. But it also probably didn’t help that every few minutes Luffy would complain of hunger pains, Sanji _had_ prepared lunch but they were forced to buy the entire trolley when she walked past.

“Ahh, that was delicious.” Luffy pats his rotund stomach in content, Chopper is in the same kind of pure bliss.

Suddenly the train begins to slow down, “We can’t be there yet.” Sanji murmurs quietly, glancing out the pitch black window.

As the sounds of the pistons died, the weather sounded much louder in the sudden silence, they shuddered to a halt, causing several trunks and such to fall to the ground, Usopp, being closest to the door, stuck his head out, similarly to the other students.

“What’s goin’ on Usopp?” Luffy asks curiously.

“Don’t know, oh no I hope we haven’t broken down.” Usopp whines, and suddenly the lamps cut out causing several shrieks in the complete void.

In the next moments of chaos when students attempted to leave their dorms the Mugiwara stood, the feeling of the disgusting presence was lingering on the edges of their haki, “Let me deal with this.” Luffy pushes to the front and comes out into the corridor where he can _feel_ the cold radiating from the being.

As it approaches Suteki lights without a word, illuminating the soul, haoshoku haki spills out of his frame, the dementor freezes, desperately clawing at its’ hood before the bane of its’ existence is peeled back.

The dementor lights up like a patronus and it feels like the air has been superheated in tandem with the creature.

 _Thank you, young sir._ It seems to bow and speak, though no lips move.

“No problem.” He grins.

 _Is it true that I am not the first you have saved?_ The being asks with curiosity.

“Yeah, there were two others, I’m not sure where they are but you’re free to go find them.” He grins again and tips his straw hat to the creature.

_Then as a parting gift may I advise you of who has been sending us after you? I fear I cannot speak his name for enchantments cast on us, however I can describe him as best as I can._

“Sure, go for it.”

_He is under the guise of another, controlling the dementors. The guise he has taken works for the Ministry of Magic. He has a devious plan that will place your life in danger. But more so, he, himself is being controlled by one of the beings so vile that none shall speak of it. I hope that the warning heeds you well._

“Thank you, good luck.” That was the polite thing to say right?

The being disappears, floating through the ceiling of the train, almost immediately the hallway is flooded with light, revealing crowded corridors looking on in utter awe and shock.

As the train rumbles into action again Luffy returns to his friends. “Well then, that’s quite the shock.” Robin smiled lightly, all of them having heard the creature’s conversation with Luffy.

Chopper silently hands pieces of chocolate to their group, chocolate is _the best_ medicine for everything. Because despite the fact that the ex-dementor had all but taken away any misery it had caused, it was still frightening in the beginning, thus chocolate was necessary.

“But at least we know that there’s traitors in the ministry.” Zoro grunts.

“Yes, not really a surprise given how far Voldemort has his roots into the very earth.” Brook says calmly.

“We have to report this.” Hermione says, almost angrily, “They can’t just take over a government that way and destroy its’ people.”

The crew look at her in surprise at her outburst, _she_ didn’t know why she responded that way… it just happened.

“We can’t, there’ll be wards in place and too many agents,” Nami replies, shaking her head.

“Nami-swan is right.” Sanji adds, while Germa 66 had primarily been a ‘go in guns blazing’ style of mercenaries, there had also been a few infiltration jobs that had taken the better part of a decade, before he was born. He knew that there were hundreds, if not _millions,_ of troops stationed within the country, blending in with its’ country life, when the order was give, _bam,_ the entire order crumbled and Judge had taken the information he needed for super soldiers and was payed handsomely by his contractor.

“Mm, Crocodile was similarly prepared, he had ‘spook’ agents everywhere, however, his downfall was overconfidence. It is quite curious why he ended up as an ally.” Robin adds thoughtful.

“Maybe he wanted to watch the world collapse without the current World Government.” Usopp says with a grim grin, “He even said so.”

“Seems like a Croc thing to do.” Luffy agrees.

“Nami, can you tell how far we are from Hogwarts?” Zoro asks, he just wants to be off this damn train.

She unhelpfully shrugs, “I guess about half hour? Judging by how long we’ve been on here plus the time it took for the dementor to stop the train and restart we’ve probably been delayed by 20 minutes therefore probably half an hour.”

“Incidentally, I believe Nami is correct, it’s too dark for me to see out _too_ far, but, I did see one of the lightning struck trees that marks 15 minutes.” Robin says, uncrossing her arms.

“Hmm.” Luffy concentrates, he doesn’t notice Sanji or Zoro mimicking his movements, feeling out with their sixth senses. “The castle isn’t that far away.”

“No, there _is_ a whole lot of dementors around though.” Zoro mutters.

“Moss-head’s right, they’re stationed all around the school,” Sanji adds.

“And Hogsmeade.” Luffy says.

“You can sense Hogsmeade?” Hermione asks in awe.

“Yeah, it’s not much farther than Hogwarts.” Luffy shrugs, it’s not _that_ far, he knows that if he _really_ tried, then he could go a lot further, he doesn’t want to though, so he stays as is.

“­­­How are we gonna change?” Brook asks, standing up.

“Ouch, Brook that’s my foot.”

“Quite sorry Hermione-san, but that just proves my point, how will we all fit?”

Suteki hums at his wishes, conceding that because Luffy is using them, they might as well fulfil his wishes, and without another motion, he is clad in the black robes, shirt, pants and thongs, as casual as ever.

“Damn, I wish I could do that.” Sanji mutters, it would save _so_ much time dedicated to layering himself in his suit and dress shoes.

Luffy shrugs, it’s just something Suteki does.

“Why don’t the rest of us take turns?” Hermione suggests but realises that in those few moments, the rest of the crew are changed. She splutters, “H-h... how?”

Nami shrugs, “Sometimes you gotta be speedy when changing so…”

“Do you want us to go outside Hermione?” Usopp asks, he was probably the most conscious of them all when it came to body, but he never really did care because they were more like siblings than anything.

“If that’s quite alright.” Hermione liked them a lot but still… it would be far too improper for a young lady like herself to do such an act.

With a shrug the pirates file out of the carriage, the hallway is still full to the brim with students, probably gossiping, in fact, Robin, Zoro and Nami know that they are, they’ve been listening to them for a while, one ear on their captain, the other on the gossip.

A mousy looking kid tentatively approaches their group, a group of second years watch on eagerly and asks, “What did you do to that Dementor?”

“It doesn’t matter what he did.” Nami interjects smoothly, nobody needs to know what happened, she knows that the majority of them are in agreement, from the approving glances she receives.

When the kids shoulders slump and he returns to his group Nami whispers, “Luffy, as much as you don’t care about these kinds of secrets, it would be beneficial for them _not_ to know.”

He nods, he understands… he thinks.

Hermione pushes the sliding door across and says, “You can all come back in.”

Not long after the train begins to slide into the Hogsmeade station and it suddenly becomes pandemonium for the students to be leaving, and when they do make it outside amidst the mewling, barking and hooting of animals, it was _still_ raining.

Nami huffs, it’s harder to tell the weather in this country but she suspects that it will not ease off for a few days. “Damn, I’m glad we won’t be in those tiny boats.” Usopp mutters, watching the bedraggled first years make their way over to Hagrids’ frame.

They followed the masses of students to carriages led by Threstrals, the darkened creatures whinnying gently, “I think we’ll have to split.” Chopper points out.

They just pile into wherever they can until Luffy, Zoro, Brook and Chopper move to the next carriage.

Shivering in the sudden temperature change, they shuffle into the carriage, the scent of mold and straw invading their noses.

“Damn, there’s dementors stationed at the gates too…” Zoro mutters in the stillness.

“It appears so.” Brook says, he pulls out his thermal and begins to sip his tea.

“They’re pulling out all of the stops.” Luffy whispers, involuntarily shuddering as they pass the gates, but it’s fine, they’re fine, everything is _fine._

Because, as much as he’d like to liberate the dementors _now,_ he can’t do it without drawing attention to himself and his crew, and apparently that’s something they want to _avoid._

And he was going to owl Ace and Sabo as soon as he got a chance, they needed to be made aware of certain… _changes._

As soon as they walked up the stone steps a voice sounded from behind their group, “Potter! Granger! A quick word in my office now.” Professor McGonagall looked very stressed, a strand of her hair was misplaced for crying out loud!

“What’s this for?” Luffy asks.

“You’re not in trouble don’t worry.” She ushers them into her office and says, “Poppy just wants to make sure you’re fine.”

Madam Pomfrey strides towards him and with a wave of her hand the pair float closer to privacy, he can still hear what Hermione is talking about but she probably can’t hear him. “Have you finished the jar?”

“Mm, I finished it a while ago actually.” Luffy says sheepishly.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner? Now, I still want an evaluation before I give it to you to look for improvements but that can wait, they’ve allowed dementors to patrol everywhere haven’t they?”

“Yeah, but my brothers taught me how to defend myself against them.” He says, joyed that they had taught him.

“Hmph,” She feels his clammy skin and pulse. “Did you have to use a patronus?”

“Nah, we were fine.”

“At the very least, take some chocolate.” She presses it into his hands and with that hasty explanation he and Hermione are pushed out of the office.

Hermione looks much too pleased with herself, like a cat that got the cream, but she doesn’t comment so he doesn’t.

He finishes off the chocolate, licking his fingers clean, the reminder of food makes him groan in anticipation.

When they arrive at the Great Hall it’s to their displeasure that they have missed the sorting. They move along to their table, ignoring the piercing stare of the Headmaster.

There’s been a change of staff, evident from the doll sitting up with the teachers, neither Snape nor McGonagall look entirely pleased with the new arrangement sitting between them.

None of the straw hats asks about what McGonagall wanted, it was their captain’s business, if he wanted to share then so be it.

Dumbledore stands, drawing attention and silence to them all, “Welcome! Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have a few things to say to you all, some of them quite serious, I think them best to not soil the delicious food however… As you all are aware by now, our school is presently host to some of Azkaban’s dementors who are here on Ministry business.

“They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds, and while they are here, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave the school ground without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled with tricks or disguises. It is not in a dementors nature to be pleaded with or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. I look to the prefects, and our new Head Boy’s and Girls to ensure students do not run afoul.

“On another note, Filch would like me to remind you all for what he tells me is the 367th time, that magic is not permitted in the corridors between classes, nor are a certainly extensive list of things that may be found on Filch’s door.”

His eyes twinkled in amusement, “And finally, we have two new appointments within our staff, firstly, I am sorry to tell you all that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year to enjoy his remaining time. However, I am delighted to inform you that his place will be filled with none other than Rubeus Hagrid who has agreed to take this position as well as his gamekeeper duties.”

For a few seconds nobody moved before the hall erupted into celebration, none clapping as loud as the Straw Hats who whooped for their friend. Hagrid gave an awkward little wave, moving the table a little too keenly.

They were clearly the last group to finish clapping and Luffy can definitely see Hagrid wiping his eyes on the tablecloth, “Yes, and Hagrid is not the only change of staff, to replace Professor Lockhart, Miss Dolores Umbridge has kindly agreed to take his place.”

As the clapping died down, Dumbledore continued, “Now, I believe-” He abruptly broke off, looking inquiringly at Professor Umbridge. There was a moment when not many realised why Dumbledore had stopped but then she said, _“Hem hem,_ ” it became clear she wanted to speak by the way she stood up.

Dumbledore only looked confused for a second before smartly sitting down. Luffy was amused, this woman quite quickly put Dumbledore in his place without doing much. He could tell that the teachers did not feel the same by the way that Hagrid was clenching his cutlery tightly enough that it wouldn’t take much for them to snap. Professor McGonagall’s lips were non-existent and Professor Sprout’s eyebrows had disappeared into her greying hair.

“Well, she’s clearly new.” Usopp mutters, cringing at the sight of her.

“Thank you, headmaster.” She simpers, “For those warm words of welcome,”

None of the straw hats liked her, there was something… indescribable about her, from her girly, breathy voice to the fluffy pink cardigan slung around her shoulders, or perhaps it was the fact that she had a pair of sea prism stone cuffs hidden inside her dress.  

Sea prism stone has a particular aura to it, especially because Luffy had some pretty supernatural senses when it came to kenbunshoku haki, it wasn’t a surprise that he was able to feel it. It was because of those cuffs that they actually payed attention to her speech.

“Well it certainly is lovely to be back at Hogwarts and see all of those smiling faces back at me.” Nobody was smiling, Luffy decides that she was like a toad, and not the good kind either. Her teeth were small but pointy, adding further evidence to his belief.

Robin was frowning firmly, and Zoro outwardly was scowling at the witch, she seemed to notice because the smile became smaller, less tangible, “I am very much looking forward to getting to know all of you, I’m sure we’ll get become the bestest of friends.”

Whispers and grins broke out at her speech, it seemed like she was one of _those_ teachers. The ones that pretended to be your friend but at the end of the day taught you little and refused to bend at all. And to top it off, the ‘addressing five-year-olds’ speech was going to get real old, real quick.

She ‘ _hem, hem’d_ again and when she spoke, it was without the breathiness, more of a business like turn to it. “The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young wizards and witches to be of vital importance. It is why the gifts that may run rampant are carefully nurtured through the knowledge handed down from our ancestors. It is through our professors that have taken up such a noble position that this trove of magical knowledge is appropriated for yourselves.”

She turned to the teachers and gave the teachers a little bow, and Luffy almost laughed at the livid look between Cat-lady and Snake-guy.

“Every new headmaster and headmistress has brought something new to the weighty task of governing this prestigious, historic school. And that is at it should be, for without progress there would be stagnation and decay. That being said, progress for progress sake is to be discouraged as it will only interfere with the carefully chosen methods we have deemed appropriate for your sakes.”

At this point, most of the students had moved on to other tasks, for they were all quite hungry, and hearing this teacher rant on about progress this and magic that was _boring._ But he noticed that a few of his nakama were eagerly drinking in her words with the same attentiveness of the teachers.

None of them looked happy about it though. If he was being real, he didn’t get it all, just that the teacher thought progress was bad? In his musings he didn’t realise that the toad finished, he didn’t applaud her, not many did.

“Merlin’s beard! It appears that took far longer than anticipated,” with a clap of Dumbledore’s hands, food appeared on everyone’s plates.

“That was the most boring thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” Luffy complained, cheeks bulging at the food.

A few seemed to disagree, “No, it was certainly dull in taste but, it certainly helped explain a few things.” Brook says, cutting into a piece of beef, he had grown up in a fencing country where etiquette was essential. Obviously, the lessons didn’t carry to his manners, but he knew what someone meant when they were masquerading it as something else.

“Did it?” Chopper asks curiously.

“Why yes, Brook is right,” Robin adds, eyes blazing in a controlled fury, “it means that the Ministry is interfering at school. I have an inkling as to why as well.”

“Because Luffy got cocky and screwed the dementors over.” Zoro cuts in.

“And she must _know_ things because of those sea prism cuffs.” Sanji adds, barely even glancing at moss-head.

“It means that we have to be _careful._ ” Nami says, jabbing a piece of broccoli harder than necessary. “We can’t just go around as we usually do, while I would definitely love to take on the Ministry, they took down your brother, Luffy. They’re stronger than people give them credit for.”

“They took down Ace-san?” Hermione claps a hand over her mouth, alright, _what_ was that?

The pirates look at her in curiosity, mostly from the way she seems to be turning redder by the moment. “Yes, they did.” Robin says, eyeing Hermione in a new light.

After eating to their content and watching the remaining teachers trickle out, they found Hagrid gloomily stabbing at some treacle, “Congratulations Hagrid!” Luffy yelled, giving the man a big hug.

“Thanks you lot.” He seems a little bit happier but not by much.

“You angry at the Ministry woman too?” Robin asks with a knowing smile.

“Of course!” They _almost_ jump as he slams his spoon down. “The damn Ministry have no business stickin’ their noses into the school that Dumbledore has made into a safe haven from you-know-who!”

“We know.” Hermione says sadly. “You best be ready for _anything_.”

“Of course! I’ve bin gettin’ my first lesson prepared all these ‘olidays.” Hagrid says proudly.

“Shishi, whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be interesting!”

“Yeah, I just hope whatever it is doesn’t try to kill us.” Usopp mutters quietly.

Zoro laughs and claps the sniper on the back, “Don’t worry Usopp, it’s probably not strong enough to kill us.”

Sanji smirks, “Yeah, although it would probably spit moss-head out when it realises how bad he tastes.”

“Yeah you’d know all about that wouldn’t you.” Zoro leers. “Always knew you were a pervert just didn’t know _how much._ ”

Sanji splutters for a moment before screeching, “Like anyone would ever want _that_!” He gestures to the man’s body.

Zoro shrugs, “Probably get more than you.”

“Boys, let’s just go back to the room.” Nami says, her tone brooking no arguments.

The toad was already inside her room and they stayed _the hell_ away from her, she was currently messing with sea prism stone inside the _classroom._

***

The following morning, they trudged into the Great Hall, weary as ever, they had stayed up all night training because the Mystery Room could repair itself without interference.

Luffy had also composed a letter to his brothers, telling them of the situation.

They sat together as per usual, Fred and George passing them their schedules, but, before they could begin eating the Toad herself made their way over to them. Blinking up at her in surprise she says as cheerily as saccharine, “Why good morning students, may I ask why you lot aren’t at your _correct_ tables?”

“I don’t believe there are any rules _against_ this, Miss Umbridge.” Robin says frostily.

The fake smile dims, “It is for uniformity, you must understand-”

“You’re encouraging the segregation of houses for what purpose Miss, to uniformly manage us?” Nami asks, sweetly as her mikan.

“If I do not see you at your correct house tables then there will be detention-”

“I do not believe that is up to you.” Another voice said from behind the woman, Professor McGonagall stood, stiff as an iron.

Professor Umbridge clearly didn’t like being interrupted if the barely hidden scowl was any indication. “As you wish Professor, good day.”

“Thanks Professor-san.” Brook acknowledges as he drinks his tea.

She smiles knowingly before saying, “I have no idea what you are talking about, now get back to your breakfast.”

The twins barely refrain from laughing, “Oo, you’ll be starting electives this year.”

“Yeah, oi, Hermione, your timetable is wrong.” Zoro says, glancing at it. “Look, as quick as you are, you can’t be in three places at once.”

She blushes slightly, “I’ll tell you later.” It would be wrong of her to not tell them after everything…

They eat the rest of their breakfast and begin the arduous trek up to the North Tower – well, it was mostly a trek for Hermione who was sweating and panting. “Ooh, look at the knight Brook!”

Luffy pointed at a stout man adorned with silver armour, a scabbard at his hip. His fat pony stood beside him chewing at some of the grass. The knight seemed to take stock of his audience and with a chink his sword was withdrawn, and he cried “Aha! What villains are these? Who dares to pass on my private lands?”

However, the sword was too long for him and he overbalanced, the sword landing in the soft grass and despite his best attempts, was unable to withdraw it.

“Shishishi! You’re cool sir Knight!” That seemed to further enrage the Knight as he tried his very best to withdraw the sword, but to no avail.

He hurled himself at the frame, “For the love of Camelot!”

“Ah, you are a Knight of the Round Table?” Brook asks politely.

“Of course! The only man I will ever bow to is King Arthur! Now you heathens, en garde!”

“Hmm, we’re probably gonna be late.” Sanji mutters, and withdraws a cigarette, after making sure that no-one was near he lit up.

“You are far too young to be smoking _that_ young man.” The Knight admonished.

“Damn you, I’ll smoke whatever I want.” Sanji says and takes a long drag, puffing it into the painting’s face.

“Why! The manners of young people these days!” The Knight says with anger.

“Sorry, but I believe we should leave now, Sanji-san?” Brook says to the painting. “May I ask for your name as well?”

“I’m Sir Cadogan of the Round Table, my loyalty lies only to King Arthur!”

“Ahaha you’re a funny guy Sir Cadogan.” Luffy laughs and turns to the North Tower.

“Dammit, just when I thought I’d be rid of stairs.” Hermione pants and groans at the sight of the spiralling staircase.

“It’ll be fun Hermione!” Luffy laughs and begins jumping up the stairs and then decides, stairs are overrated and geppo’s the remainder of the way.

Hermione’s jaw is literally on the ground and huffs and puffs about stupid pirates and their stupid abilities the whole time she walks.

Luffy’s the only one to geppo, Sanji and Brook believing it impolite to abandon a lady, especially one unable to learn geppo so early on.

He glances around at the rest of the class already assembled, they’re mostly puffing and trying to catch their breath. When the rest of the Gryffindor group ascends the stairs the trapdoor opens, and a ladder slides down for them.

“Cool!” And he immediately jumps for the ladder, reaching the landing without any difficulties.

The interior of the classroom was quite… casual? Tacky? Hipster? It looked like something straight out of a book with its’ old tea shop vs attic kind of feel. Twenty or so round tables were crammed inside, accompanied by fat poufs and chintz armchairs.

It was easily 25⁰C inside the room – which was very hot, in London at least, and the fire was burning a sweet musky scent.

The shelves that curved along the bends of the room sagged under the weight of dusty feathers, dozens of sparkling crystal balls and an array of teacups.

From the shadows Ms Trelawney finally decided to announce her presence, “Welcome, how nice it is to meet you all in the physical world.”

As the shadows fell away Luffy couldn’t help but think ‘ _She looks like a pirate’_ Sanji and Brook snort in amusement at his observation and Brook whispers back, “I think she looks more like an under stuffed peacock.”

Hermione kicks them on the back of the legs and gives them a meaningful glare, they shrug.

“Sit, my children, sit.” They manage to squeeze into one of the tables with the five of them, shoulders brushing up against one another.

Professor Trelawney seats herself on a winged armchair by the fire, “My name is Professor Trelawney. You may not have seen me around, I find that by descending into the melee, it clouds my inner eye.”

She rearranges her shawl before continuing, “So, you have decided upon Divination, the hardest magic to be learned, I’m afraid books will only help you so far. You need to have the Sight to progress in this class.

“Many witches and wizards are quite talented in the arts of loud bangs, smells and teleportation, however the veil covering Divination remains sealed to them forever. It is a gift granted to few. You. How well do your siblings fair?” She asks Luffy, he stiffens but answers,

“Not sure, but I haven’t found anything that _would_ cause them harm.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure that they were safe my dear.” She says with pity in her insect eyes.

He doesn’t think, _doesn’t think,_ instead, both vivre cards are almost ripped violently out of the brim of his hat, thankfully, the pair are crisp white, unhindered by the _smouldering flames burning a hole through-_

“Luffy.” Sanji grips his arm tightly, his own muscles coated in armament.

The blank expression disappears and he blinks, Professor Trelawney is finished speaking and he’s stuck gripping the vivre cards as if they’re about to disappear.

“Sanji.” It’s steady, as calm as the waves of the sea.

“Let’s go grab a cup.” He allows himself to be steered by the cook, watching with hooded eyelids as Hermione excuses herself to go find a partner. “We’re doing tea leaf reading.”

They returned with a for each other and drank the tea as quickly as possible, Brook looking affronted at the calibre of the tea leaves.

They swilled the tea leaves as per instruction in silence, then drained the cups and swapped.

“What do you see?” Luffy asks, the vivre cards tucked in the band of boshi.

“Not a whole lot.” Sanji admits, “Maybe a bowler hat? Considering what we learned, we could be in for a run with the ministry. And maybe an animal of some sort?”

“Shishi, probably Chopper.”

Sanji grins in return but Trelawney snatches up the tea cup at his words, turning the tea cup this way and that, muttering about grim omens. “It seems that you have a toad in your path boy, I would be immensely careful about how you tread.”

However, Professor Trelawney fixes her eyes on him, “Yes, you have a troubling path dear, but a free one it will be, it will be wrought with anguish I’m afraid. A dark destiny indeed. Well… I think that will do us for today.” She says mistily, “Pack away the tea cups and I wish you fair-fortune.”

The next class was with Professor McGonagall who did not look any happier than what she had last night during Umbridge’s ‘welcoming speech’. In fact, it seemed to carry over into her attitude, she was far much snappier when instructing about their class aims for the year.

When the class ended they were far too happy to get out of there from her near-detention misses and point-losses for being too ‘snarky’.

“Thankfully we have Care of Magical Creatures after lunchtime.” Sanji mutters as they pile into the Room of Requirement.

“Yes, well, we had a certainly ill-fortuned lesson with Ms Umbridge who took it upon herself to put sea-prism stone on the chairs we sit on.” Robin says, looking quite pale, she slips into Sunny’s dining room and eagerly eats the food Sanji has prepared.

Chopper joins her, slouching onto the table, barely lifting his head to take a bit out of Sanji’s delicious food, “I could feel it through my robes.” He moans.

“It seems that the Ministry is restricting our knowledge to basic text-book, they are here to conquer.” Robin says, looking better now that she’s drunk sugar.

The rest of the straw hats take seats, not quite snapping out of their shock, but hungry enough to eat.

“So… she not only has sea-prism cuffs, but she knows how to make it into… chairs? The question is whether she is a marine.” Brook says, not looking forward to the lessons with the dreaded teacher.

They wander outside of the Room of Requirement and begin the freshening walk to Hagrid’s cabin.

Hagrid stands outside, moleskin overcoat on, Fang hounding his heels. “C’mon now, get a move on!” He calls as the class approaches, “Got a real treat for yeh today! Great lesson comin’ up! Everyone here? Right, follow me.”

For one exciting moment Luffy thought Hagrid was going to lead them into the forest but then he veers around the Forbidden Forest, coming upon a sort of paddock. “Everyone gather ‘round the fence here. Make sure yeh can see! Now, yeh’ll want ter open your books-”

“How?” Pavarti Patil asks, genuine confusion in her voice, she pulls out her book, snapping away in chains.

Similarly, others from both classes bring out their books, bound in belts, rope and the occasional chains. “Hasn’ anyone bin able ter open their books?”

Luffy grins, and their quadlet open up their books, watching in amusement as the classes jaws drop in astonishment. “How did you do that?” One of the Slytherins demand.

Zoro shrugs, “We just asked it to.”

Hagrid clears his throat awkwardly, “Erm, if yeh’ll stroke the spines they’ll be sure ta open.”

Blaise Zabini snorts, “Of course! How obvious would that be? You’ve just got to stroke them!”

“Back off,” Sanji growls as Hagrid mutters that he thought it would be funny.

“I’ll be back.” And he hurries off into the paddock.

“Or what, _Malfoy._ ” Blaise replies heatedly, “You’ll ‘ _invoke the power of your name_ ’, your name means _nothing_ to any Slytherin, especially after rumours travelling around that you don’t even _live_ in the Manor anymore.”

“Why do you care so much? It matters little of whether I live with _Lucius_ and _Narcissa,_ it is none of your damn business _Zabini_.” Sanji snaps.

Blaise snarls at him but before Sanji can kick him to high hell, Hagrid returns, being tugged by some pretty bizarre creatures, not as weird as sea kings but still. They had the torso, hind legs and tails of horses however, that’s where the semblance stopped, their front legs were equipped with wicked looking talons, attributing to the ‘eagle side’ of themselves.

“Gee up here!” He growls at them, tethering to the fence where the class stand.

A few students take some generous steps away from the fence. “Hippogriffs! Beau’iful aren’ they?”

Luffy laughs, they would be _awesome_ to ride, their feathers changing to hair and back, of every colour, shimmering.

“So, if yeh’ll wan’ ter come a bit nearer.”

No-one besides them and Hermione were fine with being this close, “Now, the _very_ firs’ thing yeh’ll wan’ ter know abou’ Hippogriffs is tha’ they’re proud, easily offended. Don’t never insult one, ‘cause it might be the las’ thing yeh’ll do. Now, yeh gotta bow ter him firs’ see? If he bows back then yeh can pa’ ‘im, if he doesn’t, then get away from him, ‘cause those talons hurt.”

“Right, who wants ter go firs’?”

“Hell yeah!” Luffy immediately yells with an exuberant laugh, only _just_ beating Sanji and Zoro to it.

“Good man Harry!” Hagrid roars in approval as Luffy jumps the fence with ease, “Let’s see how yeh’ll go with Buckbeak.”

He untethers the grey one from the others and slips off its’ collar.

Hermione holds her breath in anticipation, she _knew_ he’d be fine, but… Hippogriffs were terrifying.

“Now, easy there Harry, yeh’ve got eye-contact, now try not ter blink…”

Luffy grins again, and maintains eye contact with the beautifully orange eagle eyes, the intelligence… he wasn’t going to force it into submission cos a. rude, b. it would undermine Hagrid’s entire speech.

Regardless, it seemed to realise that he was of significant value for as soon as he bowed, Buckbeak descends to his scaly forelegs, in an unmistakable bow.

“Well done Harry.” Hagrid says, ecstatic, “Right – yeh can pat him.”

Luffy laughs a little, stroking Buckbeak, feeling the undeniable bulge of barely concealed muscles, “Hello Bucky, I’m Luffy, the ex-King of the Pirates.” He whispers to the magnificent creature, it ruffles its feathers and snorts.

“Righ’ then, Harry,” said Hagrid. “I reckon he might’ let yeh ride him!”

“Cool! Thank you so much Hagrid! Hear that Bucky? We’re gonna go flying?”

“Damn, I wish I’d been quicker.” Zoro murmurs softly.

Sanji silently agrees – not that he’d ever tell the idiot that – the chance to ride one of those… that’d be almost as good and terrifying as the Knock Up Stream. Actually, nothing could be that terrifying.

“Climb up there, jus’ behind the wing joint…”

Like a pro, Luffy swings his legs over Buckbeaks’ flanks, careful not to disturb his wings.

“Go on then!” And Hagrid slaps Buckbeak’s rear, with a mighty flap of twelve feet wings, they lift upwards into the sky.

“Woohoo!” The wind whips between his hair, flinging off his straw hat onto his neck.

He looks down at the paddock as they circle it, one lap and they begin to dive down to the ground. Luffy flings up his hands into the air, relishing at the adrenaline rush, then a heavy thud signalled the end.

He pouts even as the class cheers for him, it wasn’t long enough, they were _just_ getting started.

Zoro, Sanji and Brook race over, quite eager to ride one of the creatures, and the class, emboldened by his success, crawl over the fence.

Luffy pats Buckbeak with his free hand, smiling at the creature as he nuzzles his beak into Luffy’s hand.

Blaise ends up with Buckbeak, he’s smirking, in a way that makes Zoro’s skin crawl as he pairs up with Stormwing.

He manages to impress Buckbeak into a bow, but smirks, “See? Not that hard _Malfoy_ , he’s just a stupid-”

In a flash of wings and feathers, Buckbeak swipes at the boy, Blaise falls backwards onto the ground, hands out in front of himself as a feeble form of protection. Waiting for a blow that never comes.

In front of Blaise, Sanji blocks the sharp talons with his leg, most of them never even saw him move.

Hagrid appears gobsmacked before he slips the collar back onto Buckbeak’s neck, “Ge’ away Malfoy!”

Sanji gracefully stands up, unharmed by such a kick. “What is your damn problem Zabini?”

Shaking off his shock, Zabini stumbles away, clearly terrified by such a display of power. “N-n-nothing.”

Disappointed that it had to be ended in a display of power, Sanji sighs, “So much for a peaceful first day.”

“Peace never suited us anyway.” Luffy says with a smirk.

“Yeah, Luffy-san has a habit of picking fights with everyone, even unintentionally.” Brook grins.

“Tch, dumb curly-brow, you weren’t that fast, a dead grandmother could move quicker than that.” Zoro comments, flicking a ball of fluff at the cook.

“I’m sorry kiwi for brains? I didn’t see you moving to defend him?” Sanji growls back.

Zoro grins ferally, “That’s because he’d get what he’d deserve if he _was_ cut by Buckbeak.”

“Are you really that stupid? They would’ve had Buckbeak put down!” Sanji shouts back.

Zoro shrugs noncommittedly, “They can try.”

“Alrigh’, I think tha’s ‘nough for taday.” Hagrid says, clearly shaken from the turns of events. “You lo’, stay behind will ya?”

“Of course Hagrid-san.” Brook says politely.

They wait for the class to disperse back onto the path to the castle before following Hagrid into his hut, it’s a bit of a tight squeeze between four muscly boys and one girl looking like she’d rather be elsewhere.

“Tea?” It’s not really a question as Hagrid moves around the small hut, putting the water to boil, Fang slobbers his way up to them, Luffy patting him enthusiastically.

After they’re all settled, Hagrid seats himself on a chair and states, “Wha’ yeh did taday was, impossible.”

Sanji shrugs and takes a sip of the tea – the kettle needs to be cleaned, perhaps some quality water? And the tealeaves tasted almost stale – “I’ve been taught my entire life how to use my legs in a way that would defend me against anything.”

It’s not a lie per say, but rather a bending of the truth.  

“Poppycock! I never seen anyone move like tha’.” He says.

“It’s the truth.” Luffy pipes up, “I can move faster, but we’re all really strong, ‘cept for Hermione.”

“How come though?” Hagrid asks, and it’s in a moment that Luffy decides he is trustworthy, perhaps he won’t believe them, but, Hagrid’s eyes are earnest and he’s always been there for them.

“If you want the truth, you have to have an open mind Hagrid.” Luffy says bluntly.

“Open mind? Why…?”

“Because, whether you believe us or not, it’s the real reason why we’re so strong.” Sanji says, craving a cigarette at the moment.

“We used to be pirates, well, I think we still are.” Luffy says, side-eying the others. “And not just any pirates, I was the King of the Pirates, and as such, my crew had to be _the_ strongest.”

“I know it’s crazy but please Hagrid-sa-”

“I believe yeh’s.” Hagrid cuts Brook off abruptly. “Tha strength of yeh all is too much ta be 11-year-olds.”

“Huh, that was easy.” Luffy comments.

“Now off with ya’s.” Hagrid shoos at them. “Lunch’ll almos’ be over.”

“Stop looking like your owl died Luffy, if we miss it, I’ll cook something for you.” Sanji says, watching the look of horror and sadness transcend upon his captain’s face.

They do, in fact, miss lunch, and as such, miss much of the next lesson, which is History of Magic, but Professor Binns doesn’t really care as they come into class so late, he barely blinks from his tirade of history.

Hermione looks absolutely crushed that they missed part of the period and tells them as such, but, like clockwork, Luffy falls onto the desk, face-first and begins to snore, Brook following suit.

Sanji huffs about bad manners but agrees with the pair and ends up sleeping too.

“Where did you guys go?” Usopp all but whines.

“There was an… incident in Care of Magical Creatures.” Brook says lightly.

“Blaise Zabini thought it best to insult a Hippogriff.” Sanji puffs on his cigarette angrily.

“I presume one of you stopped it?” Robin asks.

“Yeah, Sanji kicked it.” Luffy says.

“What about your day Robin-chan, Nami-chan?” Sanji asks.

“I spent it looking for ways to counteract the sea-prism stone.” Robin says, “It appears that if you do not have direct contact with it, then it does not affect you. Perhaps putting pillows in your robes would soften the power?”

“We’ll give it a go, who wants to fight?” Luffy grins.

Zoro smirks and the pair move away so they don’t destroy anything when they _really_ let loose.


	4. The Teacher From Hell Itself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Umbridge is a bitch, that's it, that's the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see whether any of y'all can guess who that was at the end ;) Anyway, thank you to [MasterQwertster](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4817237/MasterQwertster) for betaing in such a short time! So, i'm back at school and now im in year 11 and i seriously want to die, i guess doing subjects i actually want to do helps but at the same time, it does not, i know i have exams in week 5 which is 3 weeks away so im gonna be slower in updating. SO, in the beginning i forgot to address my insistence of the goats eating the Dursleys' grass in irregular patterns, it is kudos to Purpleeyeswtf on youtube! With None Piece, which i highly reccommend like godamn.

“Oh my,” Robin says, folding the Daily Prophet neatly in half, “it seems, Luffy, that Peter Pettigrew was sighted.”

He says nothing, rage silently bubbling deep within, that bastard.

“A non-magical person saw him, called a hotline, but of course, he was long gone by the time the Ministry arrived.” Robin finishes, taking another sip of her steaming black coffee.

“Why would he have changed out of his animagus form though?” Zoro asks, crossing his arms, “If I was a wanted crimin- oh wait.”

Usopp snickers, “Well quite frankly, criminals in this day and age are cowards, so, I can’t guess why he would willingly reveal himself unless-”

“-he in fact wanted to be seen.” Brook cuts the sniper off.

“Brook…” Usopp whines.

Robin giggles, “If that is the case, then he might want to realign himself with the traitor of the ministry.”

“Or even Voldemort himself.” Nami says, and is proud to note that Hermione no longer flinches at the name.

A slam startles her though, “I want to find him and destroy him.” Luffy says, the words delivered so calmly, yet with anger lying underneath it.

“We have so much on our plate as is.” Sanji mutters, on his second cigarette of the day already.

“Yeah! Umbridge is a big meanie.” Chopper growls. “She makes us sit in those chairs the entire lesson! Doesn’t even let us go to the toilet. Although, the cushioning spell worked, thank you Robin!”

“Do you think busoshoku haki would work?” Sanji ponders.

“Won’t figure that out until we try.” Zoro mutters.

“Looks like we’ve got our first lesson with her today.” Hermione comments, pulling out her schedule. “A double, in fact.”

“In any case, Pettigrew will either be caught by us if he tries to attack Luffy, or, Ace and Sabo will find him.” Nami says.

“Hermione, you wouldn’t be using a time-turner by any chance?” Robin asks, smiling in amusement in the way she reddens greatly.

“Of c-course not.” She stutters.

“Hmm, then I don’t believe it’s possible to be attending all of those classes at once – unless you have an akuma no mi, of course, fufu.”

“Oh alright.” She sighs heavily. “I’m not supposed to tell _anyone_ but yes, I have a time-turner.”

“Really? That’s so cool!” Usopp, Luffy, and Chopper cry in sync.

“I suppose it is.” Hermione smiles.

“Oh, the things you could do with time-travel.” Brook sighs.

Zoro claps him on the back, “Gotta live in the present, Brook.”

Brook smiles sadly, “Yes, we do, Zoro-san.”

Grim silence descends for a few moments before Hermione abruptly jumps up, bag almost splitting in the process, “I’m going to be late.”

Nami snorts, “That’s ironic.”

“Robin-san, what is this cushioning spell?” Brook asks. It’s clear that Luffy will be fine, but he doesn’t know _how_ to cast spells with only a thought.

_“Prolongo molliare_. It literally means prolong softening.” Robin says, waving her wand at Brook’s robes.

They do have potions before-hand though, so perhaps the day is not for naught.

* * *

Snape is restless. Dumbledore _knows_ what the woman is here for, as well as he does.

It’s partially for the Ministry to keep a lid on the rumours of the reappearances of Voldemort, seeing as Fudge is beginning to grow mildly paranoid in his old age.

But, the larger part of it was the way that Potter was able to deal with not one, but _three_ dementors.

Snape had been within the ministry when there was word that two dementors had gone astray, and then the report came in from the wizard _supposed_ to be trailing Potter and his ‘brothers’, who had been led to the zoo and as such had missed the whole confrontation.

Severus puts it to the red-haired girl. He remembers her, back during his own school days, she had been so happy to see Remus that he partly thought they were lovers.

But the way she could move within a crowd… she’d had a bright future. Maybe as an auror, but more likely as something far greater than that.

Even the way Remus could sway a crowd! It was preposterous that he was so popular. And Sirius had stood there with a proud look on his face, scowling at those who dared to go _near_ Remus, or Thorn, or Sean.

He was weird like that, fiercely overprotective, almost to the point of overbearing.

But! He’s getting off track, that Umbridge woman… he kind of remembers her instructor from the days of spying on the Ministry, but he could never get close enough to confirm what they were talking about.

He just knew that the man was hailed a hero, having died in a solo mission against Voldemort. There _were_ rumours… nasty little things cast by gossipers, that he had tried to team up with the most evil wizard in history.

But those rumours were fiercely shot down by none other than Dolores Umbridge, his daughter.

She was a nasty little toad, feisty, full of an unnatural fire to punish those and live in the days of discrimination.

And he was certain that she had ulterior motives for moving here.

The report had been hastily scrawled and the detective fired. However, their worst suspicions were confirmed when first, weeks later, there was a _lot_ of muggles suddenly believing in magic, claiming that these ‘magical white creatures’ had transcended to them, freeing them of all their sorrows.

There were some groups that were saying that there was LSD in the water, that or someone with a _lot_ of drugs had cured the muggles.  

Due to the fact that nobody truly knew which side he was on, he hadn’t been able to get more out of the report. He scowled again. While it was necessary to be a double agent, he wished he didn’t really have to be, mostly so that he could easily learn the ways of the Ministry.

And he isn’t just going to go and _ask_ Harry Potter what happened.

And then the train… He doesn’t know _exactly_ what happened on the train, but he’s heard enough gossip to have an understanding.

It seems that the Potter boy had some degree of control over dementors, and was not exploiting them either, as it had left straight after.

Another part of him wanted to believe that Potter and his… posse were evil, villainous to the point that they could paint Voldemort in a shining light, but deep in his shrivelled heart, he knew it was not true. Nope, they are free. They disregard rules as is their whim and often leave miracles in their wake

That Umbridge woman wanted to see them destroyed though. He had seen her twitch as the group laughed and talked when they arrived in the hall.

It was almost as if she held a grudge against them for some reason.

And she had already asked if he would be willing to brew her all manors of potions. At his declination, the smirk had slid off and she had huffed off.

Serves her right, it’s not like he’s sadistic enough to make his students spill the truth.

He had an inkling, the way that Straw Hat Luffy had torn up history through the use of a revolution…

Unintentional, but a by-product of them becoming the second crew to reach Raftel.

And, if the whispers about her father being volcanic were true, then there’s was a chance, albeit slight, that he was one of the harshest Marine leaders in all of history.

Either way, he was determined to protect the ‘crew’ from the trouble the toad wanted to stir, his lips curled into a sneer. Perhaps, they will tear up the Ministry in their corrupt ways similar to the end of the Great Pirating Era.  

* * *

Snape is in a good mood today. It makes Brook nervous, it makes all of the Gryffindor students nervous.

A Snape willing and excited to sink his hooks into them is what they consider a good day. _This_ Snape?

Brook decides he will be known as ‘prepping-them-for-the-fall’ Snape, the fall being their trip down to hell with him when he tortures them today.

But then, the entire façade disappears and he scowls at them all and orders them to get to work, “Phew, for a moment there I thought my heart would beat out of my chest.” He wipes sweat from his brow and curses the fact that he is not a skeleton.

“Shishishi!” His captain laughs, as care-free as ever, but Brook is certainly not as carefree, he _dreads_ the class they have after lunch.

Today, the third years will unfortunately acquaint themselves with the woman known as Dolores Umbridge in a class designed to dumb them down.

“Oi, Brook, concentrate.” Sanji grouses, preventing him from adding rose roots, instead of daisy roots, “Where did you even _get_ rose roots?”

“Wherever my heart is, there is love.” Brook answers, mind elsewhere.

Sanji’s laugh bubbles out of him and adds the _correct_ roots when Snape’s watchful glare isn’t on them. “Do you believe that a simple façade would suffice to give me the appearance of a skeleton, Sanji-san?”

“Well, it would probably scare the hell out of most people, but yeah, it would give you the appearance of a skeleton. Why?” Sanji asks, stirring his rat spleen in with the ease of a chef.

“Oh how I wish for the days when I was all bones. When there was no flesh on my body to call skin, when my body would not need sustenance, or when milk was all that was needed to repair myself. That and a good night of rest.” Brook sighs dreamily, and Sanji watches in amusement as a few students edge silently away from him.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll become a skeleton soon, Brook.” Hermione says, watching the way Sanji knows his way around potions with _awe._

“Yes! I most certainly will.” Brook smiles widely, that he is sure for.

“Yeah, Luffy already promised him and Captain never breaks his promises.” Zoro comments.

“You are correct, Zoro-san.” Brook says.

“Tch, of course I am.” Zoro mutters, adding the blood of his shrivelfig to the cauldron.

The time passes in a quick manner, barely able to correctly create the potion on his own.

“Now, that was sufficient time for you all to add your ingredients to the pot, allow it to stew and clean up while it simmers. What shall we test it on?” Snape sneers.

Brook doubts that he would test it on a student. Regardless, he wonders what would happen if any of them tried it. Would they revert to _this_ body’s baby or, perhaps, to their old ones? It would be an interesting experiment, though not one that Brook cares to test.

With another sneer, Snape reveals a tarantula from one of the jars on his cluttered desk, “No volunteers? Pity. Potter, I think yours will suffice.”

Luffy shrugs and gestures to his cauldron. It’s probably perfect, but only because Sanji-san would’ve helped, Brook thinks.

Snape scoops some out and places it into a little vial, “If Potter has done this correctly, the tarantula will shrink to the size of a pinhead.” Snape drawls, he pours it into the jar and the Tarantula shrinks down and down until it is, as Snape said, the size of a pinhead.

“Awesome!” Luffy shouts, leaning forward, forgetting about the cauldron literally in front of him, it leans dangerously, the rubber boy pitching forward. “Oops.”

Instead of catching it like Brook is sure Luffy-san intended, some of it splashes on his captain.

“You stupid boy.” Snape hisses, but before he can fix it up, Sanji has grabbed the cauldron almost mid-air.

“Drink this.” Snape says and forces Luffy’s mouth open, it snaps open, wider than a window causing the majority of the class to move away with haste, even Snape hesitates for an instant and suddenly Luffy-san is shrinking, much like whenever he used to use gear third.

“Dammit.” Zoro mutters.

Luffy shrinks until he’s the approximate size of a five-year-old, “Where am I?” he says, not with hostility but enough to make Sanji groan in annoyance.

“If you drink this, Potter, it will fix you.” Snape says, descending on the small boy with the vial.

“Nuh uh! How do I know you’re not a bad guy?” Luffy declares boldly. Brook is glad that he still looks like Harry Potter rather than his previous body.

“Luffy, drink the damn potion, you have amnesia okay?” Zoro grunts.

“Ehhh? Zoro? When did you get here? Sanji and Brook too?” His eyes widen, and he blinks back tears, without much prompting he leaps at them, almost naked aside from the robe that – _thankfully_ shrunk with him having been touched by the potion. “I’m glad you guys are alright too!”

Brook squeals louder than he would’ve liked to, “Luffy, no!”

“I thought I’d never see you again!” He shouts in glee, but then looks down despite being on top of Zoro’s head. “Ehhh?! What am I wearing?”

“Professor Snape! The potion!” Brook cries for their sanity.

The Professor barely hesitates, managing to stopper it before hurling it to Zoro, the unfortunate soul with their captain on his bright green head, accentuating his bright, red, face.

“Luffy, I swear to god, drink the damn potion!” Zoro shouts and shoves the bottle under his nose.

“Shishi.” Luffy _finally_ drinks the potion before they become permanently scarred for life and within seconds is large. “Oh, whoops.”

Snape is still shaking, whether it’s from shock or anger, it’s clear that none of them want to find out.

“Moss-head, you got him?”

“Of course dumbass.” Zoro says, captain unfortunately still on his head.

“Brook.”

“Of course, Sanji-san. Professor Snape, may we take leave?” Brook bows deeply to the professor.

Snape finally snaps and roars, “50 points for your idiocy! Go and get changed, you three stay!”

“Yes, Professor Snape.” The three bow contritely and Luffy slides off, grabbing his clothes from Brook.

_He never said whether they were added or subtracted…_ The three think simultaneously.

“Thanks Snake guy!” Luffy seems to have picked up on the fact that he didn’t specify which way the points were going.

“Luffy-san is quite the handful yohoho.” Brook laughs, even as they clean up through lunchtime.

“Unfortunately.” Zoro grunts.

“That damn idiot. How come _he_ gets to see Nami-swan _and_ Robin-chwan while we’re stuck down here?” Sanji grouses, rubbing the broom harder than necessary.

“ _That’s_ what you care about? Dumb love-sick cook.” Zoro says and internally, Brook prepares for the ensuing battle.

“Oi oi, don’t you dare insult Nami and Robin.” Sanji says hostilely.

“Oh fight me you pickled idiot.” Zoro says.

“The only pickled one here is you moss for brains!”

“Eh? You say something fool?” Zoro growls, reaching inside his robe for his katana.

“I think I did.” Sanji says, leg lifting.

“No need to fight right now is there, Sanji-san, Zoro-san?” Brook implores, he doesn’t need to explain this to Professor Snape.

It’s unfortunately too late and the two leap at each other, teeth bared ferally as black swords and legs cross in an explosion that shakes the castle.

Brook runs around, trying to catch as many falling jars as possible, cringing comically as each one hits the ground.

“Stop stop stop!” Brook shouts futilely, “Dammit! Where’s Nami-san when you need her?”

You know what they say, speak of the devil and ~~he~~ _she_ will appear, “What are you damn idiots doing!?” Nami screams of murder, punching both opposing forces on the head.

The rest of the crew follow behind, Luffy at the back, chewing on a bone, “Oh Nami-san, thank _goodness_ you’re here! The-”

“And you!” Nami screeches, a fist landing on Brook’s poor, head, “Why are you letting them? Do you know how many beris this would cost to clean!?”

“Good thing we have magic then.” Robin says with a laugh. “Luffy-san, would you please clean the room?”

“Eh?”

“I’ll ask Sanji to cook you more meat.” Robin whispers in his ear.

“Alright! Suteki!” Luffy shouts, holding his wand to the sky.

In an instant, everything is moving back to where it came from, untouched by the madness inside the room.  

Jars unsmashing, contents unsmooshing, candles cleaning their spilt wax up, the desks unsplintering. Sanji and Zoro sit dejected on the ground like naughty dogs. Hermione bursts into the classroom, clearly frazzled by the amount of classes she has.

“Oh, hello.” She says, and Usopp grabs her bag before the contents fall out.

“ _Reparo_.” He mutters and it becomes as good as new.

“…How?” She seems to finally see the state of the room repairing itself.

“Luffy’s incredibly strong.” Chopper says with a smile.

“Thank goodness.” Brook puts his hand to his heart.

“We should hide.” Usopp says, almost offhandedly.

“Why Usopp?” Chopper asks.

“Because Umbridge is coming this way.” Robin answers. “In fact, she’s practically upon us.”

“Shit.” Sanji murmurs, glancing around frantically.

“We’re so screwed. Why is she coming to Snape’s classroom?” Chopper says hysterically.

“Shhh, Luffy, Zoro, Chopper, you’re with me.” Nami says and drags them over to the back room, within is a wardrobe that they fling open and stuff inside of. “Robin.”

“Of course, Nami.” And then with the ease of a veteran, Robin squeezes the remaining crew in the supply cabinet before ascending to the ceiling– nobody ever looks up.

“Thank goodness we don’t have Franky.” Nami whispers as they hear the door open.

“Professor Snape?” Comes the high pitched girly voice, when nobody answers the door swings open. “Not here.”

There’s silence before Snape’s desk chair scrapes against the cobblestone floor, “Now, let’s see her-”

“Excuse me.” Speak of the devil, Brook can hear the tell-tale swish of the Professor’s robe. “I would knock, but seeing as it is my own classroom.”

There’s a pause of silence, “What are you doing Dolores?”

“Just checking. You don’t know where there could be bugs in this day and age. Why do you think security has been tightened?”  

“There’s only one bug here.” Snape drawls.

“I’m afraid that I will have to cut this little hustle short. I _do_ have a meeting with the Minister to attend to.” She says primly.

Snape says nothing and the door slams behind the toad, “Stupid woman, probably bugged the whole school by now.”

Brook realises something horrible. There’s something itching at his nose, making the urge to sneeze become unbearable, but, if he can live through his own death (twice! No less!) then he can stifle his body’s desires.

Despite his best efforts Brook releases a minute sneeze, rattling some of the jars in the process.

“Who goes there?” Snape asks, and Brook can hear the fury in his voice.

He stays as still as a skeleton, unfortunately failing in the process. He hopes that Snape will pass it off as his imagination. Luck was never on his side though and Snape opens the supply cabinet.

“Weasley? Granger?” He opens the other cupboard and releases a heavy sigh, “Alright then, where are the rest of you?”

Nami-san emerges with the remaining crew, “So, you were there the whole time?”

“Mhm, after I fixed the room-” Nami slaps a tired hand over his mouth.

“Damn moron.” Sanji mutters.

“The room was destroyed?” Snape says, very quietly and very dangerously, eyes glittering in the firelight of the room.

Chopper gulps as Luffy nods behind Nami’s hand.

Snape sighs, very heavily, “I wouldn’t expect anything better from you lot.”

“May we leave now? I have a feeling that Umbridge wouldn’t appreciate us being late to the first lesson.” Brook points out.

“Be careful with that woman. She plans on being the one to mould the future, and, if rumours are to be believed, her father sided with Lord Voldemort to usher in a new era.” Snape explains softly, “Now get the hell out of here and stop causing me so much trouble.” He finishes grouchily.

“Shishi, thank you, Snake-guy.” Luffy smiles sincerely and escapes the classroom, the rest of the crew following, bowing contritely to the grumpy man.

They fall back to the mystery room, taking extra care to skirt around the Defence Against The Dark Arts classroom. They weren’t lying, they _would_ be late if they took extra time in the mystery room.

“Okay, are all of your charms still functioning?” Chopper asks the two devil fruit using Gryffindors.

Luffy smiles his assent and Brook frowns, “ _Prolongo molliare._ ” In an instant, he feels the distinctive change, almost like there was a pillow comfortably attached to his behind.

“We ready for hell then?” Sanji asks.

“Always.” Luffy replies.

Hefting their bags, they leave the remaining crew, “Enjoy, and remember to not let her words get to you, okay?” Usopp says, almost sternly.

“Of course not, Usopp-san.” Brook agrees and they leave.

“I wonder what that woman is truly like.” Brook ponders as they pass through the long hallways. Much too soon they find themselves in front of the scheduled classroom, most of the class already assembled, waiting for the overstuffed toad.

Hermione puffs as she catches up to them, despite having been in a different corridor two minutes previous, “Ah, Hermione-san, what period did you just have?”

“Arithmancy.” She says, still catching her breath.

"Is that that gross mathers subject?” Luffy complains. “Man, numbers are dumb and annoying.”

Hermione’s mouth opens and closes a few times. “Don’t worry about him, he knows the right kind of maths. Right, Luffy?”

“Hmm?”

“Brook starts with 300 pieces of meat and you take a 1/3, how much does Brook have left?” Sanji says with a small smirk.

“200.”

“Everyone needs 77 apples. If there’s six of us, how many apples do we have overall?”  

“462.” Luffy immediately replies, Hermione looks further shocked, Sanji laughs.

“See? Food is the best way for Luffy to do maths.”

“Anyway, Hermione-san, what do _you_ think Umbridge will be like?” Brook asks.

“Well, whatever she’s like, she knows about sea-prism stone.” Sanji mutters.

“I don’t think she’s going to be teaching us very much.” Hermione says quietly.

They enter as the bell sounds for next period, and to their horrible surprise she’s already sitting at her desk, with that stupid little velvet bow on top of her head.

Brook rarely finds himself insulting ladies, it is an impolite, ungentlemanly thing to do. However, in this case, the woman is already grating on his unfortunately fleshy nerves, and she has yet to have them in a class.

As they sit down, Brook is suddenly highly grateful that the charm works, as he only feels a slight strain when he straightens up.

However, it is a different matter for the desk. After all, that green-blue marble pattern is most certainly sea prism stone. Brook hesitantly pokes it, barely refraining from gasping as he feels his strength leave him.

The rest of the class was silent since Umbridge was an unknown element, and generally, you would wait for an opponent to reveal their tricks and hidden openings.

“Well good morning!” She beams like an artificial light as they settle down.

The class mumbles in response and her artificial grin twists downwards, particularly when she realises that none of them replied in the slightest.

Luffy-san has a very serious expression adorning his face, one that Brook usually only sees when they are to fight an enemy. Although, like Professor Snape said, she was not to be trusted in the slightest.

“Now that will not do. I should like you to reply with ‘Good afternoon Miss Umbridge!’, one more time, I think.” Umbridge implores, that dim smile making its appearance once more.

“Good afternoon Miss Umbridge.” The class chants back to her, the three straw hats staying silent while Hermione-san elects to follow the teacher.

“There now,” the teacher says, smile strained heavily, “that wasn’t so hard, now was it? Wands away, quills out please. Young man, would you please take your hat off?”

“Hm?” Luffy tilts his head in a manner that suggests he didn’t hear her when Brook knows perfectly well he did.

“When you do not understand or do not hear a question please respond with, ‘Sorry Miss Umbridge, could you please repeat that?’.” Umbridge says, she seems disappointed at the amount of energy they have.

Luffy shrugs. Brook watches as the woman tenses and then calms, almost immediately.

“Take that _straw hat_ off your head. Are you searching for a detention?” Umbridge says.

“Sorry, but I might be if you want me to take my straw hat off.” Luffy says, not sounding apologetic in the slightest.

By now, the class is quite interested, because _Harry Potter,_ the boy who lived, is giving lip to the unknown teacher.

Hermione raises her hand, Umbridge bores her beady into Luffy’s, the captain not turning away for an instant, she turns to Hermione and nods, “Yes?”

“Professor, if you have an issue with his hat I believe you should be bringing it up with Headmaster Dumbledore. None of the other teachers seem to have a problem with it.” Hermione explains. Brook takes great pleasure in the way her face twists.

“Young lady, I will not be taking orders off someone as young as yourself. If Mr Potter cannot adhere to the basic uniform rules, then I’m afraid I will have to deduct 5 points from Gryffindor. You may join me for detention tomorrow night as well.”

The class groans quietly, sending not quite resentful looks in Luffy’s direction. No doubt they had picked up on the certain quality of tone she took on when speaking to him, almost like she held an unknown grudge against the boy.

“Now, if there are not any more questions, I will repeat for  those of you who did not listen the first time: wands away, quills out.” There was a harsh edge to her words now.

Brook hopes that the entire lesson does not transgress in such a savage manner.

* * *

Luffy smirks internally, he’s already managed to get on her nerves and it hasn’t been 10 minutes into the lesson.

_Try not to piss her off too much,_ Sanji says, smiling mutely to him.

_Ah, I think she’s already pissed._

_Too true, you are quite grating on her nerves, Luffy-san._ Brook grins.

The class follows her orders, gloomily, because rarely would an exciting class follow such words. She withdraws her extremely short wand (doesn’t that mean a lack of flexibility or something? Luffy thinks) from her purse and raps it once, appearing in its’ wake; ‘ _Defence Against the Dark Arts, a Return to Basic Principles.’_

“Hm, your learning has been quite fragmented, for such young, untouched minds. It has  not been good for development, has it? Neither teacher seemed to follow a Ministry approved syllabus, which will lead to a severe disadvantage in two years time when you will be taking your O.W.L’s.” She smiles again, “You will be happy to know that these problems are to be rectified. We will be following a carefully constructed, theory-centred, Ministry-approved course of defensive magic this year. Copy down the following please.”

She taps the board again and in an instant, the ‘ _Three Course Aims’_ replace the previous words, 

_'1. Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic._

_2.Learning to recognize situations in which defensive magic can legally be used._

_3\. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use.’_

Luffy sighs when he realises he can’t just copy the words with a wand now, Suteki is very disappointed in his bag, but, he whispers to Suteki and the words begin to flow on his own parchment. If there is a will, there is a way, he thinks proudly.

The whole room feels like a nursery room, maybe like that place at what was it called? Pink island? Hazardous something? Eh, wherever Law was hanging out in the New World with Caesar. It had a weird nursery meant to confine the giant children.

But anyway, it was meant to control them, keep them in line for some purpose, he can’t really remember. This one, with all the pink and books on the wall that Luffy’s certain are about as dull and dry as the one they’re going to have to read.

“Mr Potter, why is there no quill on your desk?” Umbridge asks, noticing his blank desk.

“Because I write with Suteki.” He explains, feeling a little thrum of power travel through him in confirmation.

“Suteki?” Umbridge looks confounded.

He withdraws his abnormally long and flexible wand with pride, “Suteki.”

“I said ‘wands away, quills out’, Mr Potter. This is the second time you have disobeyed my direct orders, I believe we will be seeing each other quite frequently.” Something gleams in the hag’s eyes and Luffy smirks again. He’s really rattling her if _that’s_ how quickly she snaps.

Regardless, he puts away Suteki and whispers for it to stop writing for him. It does immediately despite the disappointment running through him, he pulls out the fake quill Hermione bought him, a little ball-point at the end.

After a couple of minutes, the class is finished and Umbridge smiles. She asks whether they all have the book they were supposed to get for the class, ‘ _Defensive Magical Theory’_ by Wilbert Slinkhard, and the class mumbles yes.

“I think we’ll try that again,” Umbridge says. “When I ask you a question, I should like you to reply ‘Yes, Professor Umbridge,’ or ‘No, Professor Umbridge.’ So, has everyone got a copy of Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard?”

“Yes, Professor.” The class chants back and Luffy thinks about how she was trying to train them like dogs for the navy.

Well, not the navy any more, but they might as well be given how much they thought of themselves and the amount of resources they controlled.

“Good, I should like you to turn to page 5 and begin reading chapter 1.” She explains before returning to her seat.

Yawning loudly Luffy lets the book fall shut with a thud. He doubts there’s anything worthwhile in there to learn about defensive magic, especially given how proficient he is in spells (and other things that she probably knows).

He lets his head plod down on top of the book, hissing quietly as he touches the sea prism stone coating the desk, so, instead he sits back up and stares right ahead, planning on ways to get the teacher fired.

Would claiming torture work? He doubts it, as it wouldn’t be so simple a matter to prove.

What about proving her being tied to Voldemort? Again, it’d be difficult to prove, and besides, she doesn’t seem the type to be affiliated with someone like him anyway.

He glances over to Hermione, finally noticing her hand up in the air, her book untouched in front of her.

Luffy raises an eyebrow in interest. Hermione has rarely, if _ever_ , resisted the urge to read a book under her nose, quite similar to Robin in that aspect. He wonders why change now.

Although, the answer to that is quite obvious given the woman in front of them.

She glances side along to him and shakes her head minutely, staring resolutely at Umbridge, who seems to be fixed on the work in front of her.

10 minutes later and Umbridge has yet to look at Hermione, except, Luffy’s not the only one openly staring anymore, the entire class is silently watching.

“Would you like some help with the chapter, dear?” Umbridge glances up, a tic of frustration at the corner of her eye.

“Not about the chapter, no.” Hermione responds.

“Well, we’re just reading now, so if you have a question you may pose it at the end of the class.” Umbridge smiles.

“I’ve got a query about your course aims.” Hermione ploughs on with determination.

Umbridge raises her perfectly sculpted brows, “And your name is…?”

“Hermione Granger.”

“Well, Miss Granger, I think that the course aims have been described perfectly, if we read through them carefully.”

“Well I disagree.” She says bluntly, “There’s nothing there about _using_ defensive spells.”

There was a short silence as the class processed that, staring back at the board. Luffy grins grimly at the realisation. Umbridge wanted to cripple Britain’s next generation by imposing her ‘carefully constructed syllabus’ on them all.

The question is whether Fudge knows, or maybe he sent her specifically to screw them all over.

Her pouchy face finds him as he grins and glares a little, causing his grin to become wider.

Regardless, she answers Hermione, “ _Using_ defensive spells? Why on Earth would you need defensive spells in my classroom?”

Brook raises his hand, hard and straight. Her eyes slide over to him with scrutiny before nodding, “Yes Mr…?”

“Weasley. So, what use will practical theory do us in the real-world, Miss Umbridge?”

 “Well, Mr Weasley, there’s hardly a threat in the world for you all to be harmed by.” She smiles.

Hermione thrusts her hand back into the air, “Yes?”

“Isn’t the whole point of _Defence_ Against the Dark Arts, to learn how to defend yourself?”

“Are you a defensive trained Ministry expert, Miss Granger?” Umbridge replies sweetly.

“No but-”

“Well then you have no right to _decide_ what the ‘whole point’ of this class is. Wizards much older and cleverer than you have devised this study plan. You will be learning spells in a completely risk-”

“Well, that won’t prepare us for the real world in t-”

“ _Hand , _Mr. Potter.” Umbridge says. He shrugs and leaves it despite the smouldering rage in him. He wants to land a satisfying punch into her face.

Sanji’s goes up in his stead, “And you are?”

“Malfoy, ma’am, when in a fight, your opponent isn’t going to fight fai-”

“Enough!” She declares loudly, eye blazing. “Unless you have been an adult for as long as those at the ministry with as much experience as they have, you are not fit to be telling me how someone will _fight._ ”

A very short silence reigns before the next brave soul raises their hand, “Isn’t there a practical section in the O.W.L’s next year anyway?” Pavarti Patil asks.

“As long as you have studied the material long and hard, I’m sure you’ll be able to perform them in exam conditions.” Umbridge replies.

“Without ever practising them?” Pavarti says incredulously, “Are you telling me that the first time we’ll be using these spells is in the _exam_?”

“As long as you have studied the mat-”

“Isn’t school supposed to teach you all about the real world? It ain’t gonna do much good if we haven’t learnt how to defend ourselves out there, now will it?” Brook says quietly, voice carrying through the world.

“And what kind of a person would be willing to attack young people like yourselves?” Umbridge says sweetly.

“Ah, I dunno.” Luffy says, “There’s been a few serial killers, a few pirates that liked to abduct children, and how about the worst Wizard to ever live?”

Umbridge remains quiet for a few moments before smiling smally, “Let’s make some things abundantly clear. Firstly, you are to be learning off this carefully constructed syllabus. Secondly, the ministry has always been ahead of such going ons, aurors doing their jobs by taking these villains down. Thirdly, Lord Voldemort is and always _was_ dead.”

“Then how come we fought him in first year?” Sanji asks softly.

“Detention! Mr Malfoy, you may join Mr Potter tomorrow night. You all may have heard some _rumours_ spread by certain malicious wizards, but I can confirm that these are nothing but _myths._ The Dark Lord has perished. If you are still worried, by all means, come and see me outside of class hours and I will happily put your mind at ease. I am your friend.” Umbridge smiled again. “And now, will you continue reading, page 5.”

Professor Umbridge sat back down at her desk, Luffy put his legs on the desk, Suteki immediately casting the cushioning spell on his legs, and he watches in satisfaction as she grimaces minutely.

“Well, this class is going to be a waste of everybody’s time.” Luffy says loudly, face to the ceiling, exhaling deeply.

“Potter, come here.” Cold and filled with unbridled fury, Umbridge beckons him with a pointed finger.

Leaping up he trots up to the desk, she glances down in disgust at the rest of his state of dress and withdraws a pink scroll from her desk. Writing something in ink that he can’t read, she taps it again and it seals shut, “Take this to Professor McGonagall.” She orders.

He grins and winks to Sanji and Brook as he leaves. Hermione looking only slightly annoyed with him.

_Well, you certainly got under her skin quickly, dumbass,_ Sanji says quietly.

_Shishi, well, she was easy to get under._

_It certainly poses the question of where the rest of us will learn defence._ Brook ponders.

_Dunno, probably in the mystery room from Robin and Hermione. Obviously, it’ll include sneaking around._

_Those are the best ideas,_ Brook laughs.

He catches himself before he walks past Professor McGonagall’s study. He raps loudly, “Oi! Professor Cat-lady.”

“Potter? What are you doing out of class?” She asks angrily.

“Ah, I was sent here by the toad.” He hands her the scroll.

Ushering him inside, McGonagall reads the parchment, “Is it true that you didn’t listen to her instructions?”

“Yup.”

“And you’re out of uniform again I see.”

“Of course, the proper uniform is too constricting.”

“And you yelled at her, calling her a liar?”

“Hmm, don’t think I yelled but close enough. But I definitely didn’t call her a liar.”

“And then she claims you disrespected her furniture.”

“Yeah, she made some really strong furniture, it’s uncomfortable.” He elongates the really, stretching the truth so he can avoid blurting the truth out.

“Have a biscuit Potter.” McGonagall sighs heavily and he accepts the ginger newt happily. “And sit down.”

He follows her instructions, “You need to be careful of her, Potter.”

“I know I do, it’s just so hard when she’s so _annoying_. Have you _seen_ the syllable? It has no practical defensive spells in it.” He complains.

“I know. However, remember _who_ she is reporting to.” McGonagall clasps her hands together.

“I don’t even care whether I end up in the Ministry. I have no doubt that my crew would save me.”

McGonagall smiles, “Another thing, has she discovered that yet?”

“Discovered what?”

“Who you are?”

He recoils, he didn’t _really_ think that she believed him, “You believe us?”

“I’ve had two years to open my mind to the fact that I could quite possibly be teaching the late second Pirate King crew.”

“Well, if you are aware then I think she already knows, have you ever heard of sea-prism stone?” He asks.

She shakes her head.

“It’s a material made from the sea, made specifically for people like me.”

“Like you?”

He hooks his cheek and pulls, the only indication of her surprise is a quite significant flinch, “So what? You’re stretchy?”

“Made of rubber. Robin, Chopper, and Brook have one too.” He says, “We are weak to the power of the sea, which is why it works so effectively.

McGonagall sits back thoughtfully, “There were rumours when I was a child that the man preceding her, her father, had some… unusual powers.”

“What kind of powers?” He asks, dread coiling in his stomach like a snake.

“The rumours were never truly clear, some claimed he was made of steel, others, lava.”

The coil snaps, “Lava?!”

She seems taken aback at his reaction, “Someone you know.”

“If it’s who I think it is, then there’s no mystery as to why she knows about devil fruits… Dammit!” He slams his fists down on the table, out of _all_ the people to be the father of that forsaken woman…

“Eat another ginger newt.”

He eats the box, earning a reproachful glance off McGonagall, “Regardless, it says here that you have a week’s worth of detention with her, starting tomorrow afternoon at 5 o’clock.”

“A week’s worth of detention… I’ve had worse.”

“I’m sure you have.”

The bell rings and they sit, listening to students create a stampede of noise around them, “I bid you luck on your detention with Professor Umbridge, and remember the stakes of slipping up.”

“We were always aware of the dangers, it’s why we came here after all.” He smiles, albeit small due to the circumstances, but still there. He is resolutely ignoring the darker thoughts of _just_ how far Akainu went with Umbridge and jumps from the seat, “Thanks for the biscuits, Cat-lady.”

McGonagall nods and he leaves.

His thoughts are churning at a hundred miles an hour. Akainu was back in the ministry, but he was already dead. Detention was going to be brutal and Umbridge probably knew of haki.

“Gah!” Everything was a mess. He enters the mystery room, scratching his head.

“Luffy, Brook and Sanji filled us in on the lesson. What was in the scroll?” Chopper says, gnawing his hoofs in clear anxiety.

“Well, I have a week of detention with Umbridge, but we have another problem.” He leaps onto Sunny, the others following.

“What could be worse than detention with Umbridge for a week?” Usopp says incredulously.

“Her father was one of the admirals.”

“When you say one of them, I hope you don’t mean who I think you do.” Robin says, a frown on her face.

“The question is, how did you find that out?” Zoro asks, sake in hand.

“McGonagall knows, but, she told me that there were rumours that her father was ‘unnatural’, either made of steel or lava.” Luffy says, ignoring the way his skin crawls and his chest _burns._

Nami frowns, “Wait, McGonagall figured it out?”

“I mean, it’s not like we’ve been keeping it a secret.” Sanji points out, tray of tea in hand. He sets it down on the table and Luffy eagerly sips down the green tea.

“I’m going to write to Ace and Sabo.” He says after he’s finished. It is of course, the best thing to do.

“Now wait a minute, sencho, I’m not sure writing a letter would work. The mail is probably being watched for that very correspondence. Instead, why not text them a meeting point? Or even call them on that phone. I’m not entirely sure wizards have managed to tap into muggle phones.” Robin crosses her arms.

“Why don’t we ask Koala when we call?” Usopp points out, “She works for the Ministry right?”

“As an ambassador… but I see your point.” Robin concedes.

“Now?” Brook asks.

“I don’t believe we have anything…” Usopp says, whipping out his schedule.

“Alright, everyone shush.” Luffy says loudly and hits the dial button. “How do you put it on speaker?”

Usopp hits a few buttons and suddenly the tone dial is ringing through Sunny. Sure enough, Ace picks up the phone, voice sounding groggy, “Luffy? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing right now… is this line _really_ safe?”

He hears Ace breath heavily before he shouts out to one of the other rooms, “Koala! Is the line safe?”

He returns in a couple of seconds, “Yeah, apparently nobody has learnt how to hack muggle phones aside from muggles. But I doubt they’ll bother with us. Anyway, what’s up?”

“We may have a problem, can you grab Sabo too?” It’s mostly so that Ace doesn’t come smoking into Hogwarts to fry up Umbridge.

“Uh yeah, Sabo!”

“Hey Lu! What’s up?” Sabo asks.

“We have a problem, our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher is a bitch.” Zoro says bluntly.

“He’s not wrong, but that’s not the extent of it.” Robin says calmly, “Luffy?”

“Well, Cat-lady said that there were rumours about her Dad, the rumours were that he could shift into steel or… lava.”

Ace and Sabo hiss in anger, “Not that bastard…”

“Has she done anything to hurt you so far?” Sabo says suddenly.

“Well…”

“Her furniture is made out of sea-prism stone.” Chopper says.

“Sea-prism stone?!” The brothers shout into the receiver.

“That damned bitch!”

“Alright, is there anything we can do for you guys?” Sabo says.

“Nah, we figured out how to withstand it, but, we just wanted to warn you both that the ministry might end up coming after you.” Luffy says.

“They can try.” Ace snorts.

“Thank you for telling us about Akainu and Umbridge. Look, I know it’s in your nature, but try not to piss her off too much.” Sabo reasons, “We don’t want to be in _too_ much trouble with the Ministry this early into your school years.”

“And if you can’t do that, burn her. It fixes everything.” Ace declares grimly.

“While very true, please don’t.” Sabo says.

“Oh, and have you both read the news?” Robin asks.

“Mm, he was spotted in muggle London, wasn’t he?” Ace says darkly.

“It’s weird that he seems the least of our troubles, isn’t it?” Sabo laughs.

“Don’t worry, if he even steps a _foot_ in here, we’ll know.” Zoro says, grim and asserting.

“Yeah. Alright, Lu, we’ll see ya.” Ace says and Luffy _hears_ him smirk.

“Yup!”

He clicks the red button, hearing it disconnect. As it does he sighs. “Man, this year is going to _suck._ ”

The others agree quietly.

Robin hums, “I think it’s now a question of how the other years are going to learn with such an insufferable and useless teacher. Their overarching aim is to systematically stem the flow of our knowledge and as such I can not stand by. Knowledge is to flourish and bloom beneath the tutelage of elders.”

“Well, who would teach them?” Nami asks.

Robin smiles, “Why not us? We may only be third years but our magic prowess is beyond what most adults would achieve in their lifetimes.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.” Brook mutters.

“But nobody would want to listen to some second and third year students.” Usopp argues.

“We _do_ have quite the convincing leader.” Zoro says quietly.

“Man, Umbridge would be _pissed_ at that.” Luffy laughs, it is his new aim to piss her off as much as possible this year.

“She would be, but what would she do to us?” Chopper says in worry.

“Eh, who cares, we’ve _all_ had worse.” Luffy says, grim silence following his words.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but _I_ think that it would be a great idea. It would get people on your side too.” Hermione says, crossing her arms. “The only issue is secretly getting people to join. Obviously this is the best place for it, though maybe not _this_ particular world, but something similar.”

“Mm. Okay, so it’s settled, our own little study group to learn the practical side of things. We all better study up on the correct use of spells then, shouldn’t we?” Nami says.

“Yeah!” Luffy has no doubt that with the range of their expertise coupled with the apparent ‘charisma’ he exudes, they will be able to teach their school what the Ministry refuses to.

* * *

Sanji sighs around his last cigarette of the day. Classes have ended and he’s pretty sure that if he kills himself now, he’d die happy.

5 o’clock is coming too quickly for his liking and it’s clear that Luffy feels the same way, though he’s not verbal in his distaste of the coming detention – he had pretty much asked for it.

Not like Luffy actually deserved it. The only time he deserved punishment was when he was stealing food again.

And, the real kicker was that that _bitch_ was the magma bastards’ daughter. He took Luffy down to the kitchens for most of the night when he figured his captain wouldn’t be sleeping.

So, they had a _ton_ of cooked food right now, as did the house elves despite their insistence that they did not require it.  

It gives him second hand anxiety, his captain not sleeping. He knows it gives the moss-head the same kind of anxiety too.

He heard Zoro pumping iron when he left, the heavy clanking of weights somehow reassuring, like he wasn’t alone in his concern.

Not to say that the others don’t display obvious concern: the books Robin reads to Luffy for him to sleep, the medication Chopper sometimes gives Luffy, the tales Usopp regales him with, the way Nami _sometimes_ lets him cuddle, Brook playing him to sleep, and the way Zoro always lets Luffy sleep against him.

They don’t talk about the execution of their captain, _period._

There’s always a day of silent mourning shared by them, but, they move on with life and instead celebrate their captain’s birthday, ignoring the elephant stomping in the room.

They had all completed their dreams, thank the _gods,_ otherwise Sanji doubts Luffy would be very happy now.

But, the magma bastard… The second in command of the Revolutionaries and Luffy had attempted to take him down, almost landing a killing blow…

They were all run down from trying their damn best to defeat the remaining marines…

Naturally, that was when the _other_ bastard took them down, handing their captain over on a silver platter to the remaining Marines as Blackbeard claimed to be the _third_ Pirate King.

Unluckily for him, the rest of the fleet, all other supporting islands, and surprisingly, Monkey D. Garp, (who most people _still_ didn’t know was there) caught wind of what had happened and attacked with the might of unholy vengeance, and well, Dragon and Shanks ended up taking down the yonkou together.

By that stage, Trafalgar Law was acknowledged as one of the yonkou and took the spoils of Blackbeard’s territory. Kidd and Bonney fighting over the spoils of the other yonkou.

The other leaders of the Worst Generation became their own powerhouses, but almost all of them had given up on being King given that Luffy had already staked that claim.

So in the end, they tried to help take their leader back during  the transition between Impel Down and the new Marine HQ. Naturally, they sunk Impel Down in the process, sea-prism stone not stopping Zoro on a mission.

Of course, the marines raced against time to execute their captain, and despite their brilliance and tactical knowledge, they arrived too late. Apparently, the marines, with their head figure of Akainu, had learnt from their damned mistakes and executed Luffy on the spot.

And that’s when the war _really_ began. None of them really stopped to mourn, just went ahead and slaughtered the marines and their allied forces, and from within the marines began another revolution to overthrow ‘Absolute Justice’ with the Vice-Admirals Coby and Smoker, and ex-Vice -Admiral Garp leading the revolt.

The only one to survive the slaughter were a few of the revolutionaries, Red-haired Shanks, and Jinbe. Sanji’s pretty sure that the Minks did as well – or a few at least.

The rest of them were completely annihilated. Giving up on life the moment those spears entered the King. Luffy was the sun and, well… that was the day the sun died.

He’s glad Jinbe survived, at least he now knew what happened. Shanks too, given the history book he wrote.

“Oi, time to go Luffy.” Sanji finally says, banishing the thoughts from his mind as quickly as his smoke disperses in the air.

“Okay.” He says softly.

The walk is quiet, students that see them give them sympathetic glances when they think that they’re not looking. Sanji wants to growl, he’ll show them that that _bitch_ will not control their moves.

Doesn’t matter that he’d never raise his leg against her. There are other, non-violent ways to harm a lady such as herself.

“Have you got the charm?” He asks absentmindedly.

“Mm.”

Her door comes into view far too quickly and Luffy raps twice, “Come in.” She calls in a sugary voice.

As they walk through the door, Sanji feels… _something_ wash over him, like it was scanning him. Glancing at the door frame he doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary and yet…

“Oh that just won’t do now, I would like you to remove that enchantment you have on your clothing dear.” Umbridge smiles expectantly at Luffy.

Luffy looks blankly at her, “The cushioning charm?”

“Yes, I believe you won’t be needing it in this class.”

Luffy sighs before muttering something. She clearly becomes appeased by his action and gestures to the two seats in front of her desk. Luffy still sits upright despite the subtle trembling in his hands at the strain from the sea-prism stone.

_Try haki._ Sanji thinks.

Luffy tilts his head and the subtle shaking ceases, Sanji privately thinks that he only reapplied the spell subtly. Umbridge raises and eyebrow in annoyance and says, “Now, today we will be doing some lines,” as they reach down for their quills she interjects, “No, you will be using a rather special quill for this.”

She places two black, sleek quills on their desks, tipped with an unusually sharp point, “You will be writing _‘I will obey direct orders’_.” She tells them softly.

Luffy shrugs.

“You haven’t given us any ink.” Sanji comments.

“Oh, you won’t be needing ink for these.” She gives the merest of laughs.

They both write _I will obey direct orders,_ once for good luck. Sanji _almost_ hisses when he feels it carve into the back of his hand, feeling such a white-hot pulse of rage that she would dare harm his and his captain’s _hands._

It’s hardly the pain that hurts, but rather the way in which it is doled out. _Dammit._

_Sanji, your hands will heal, don’t worry._

_She’s hurting yours too._

_Still_

Still indeed, they do not speak a verbal word, the scratches in the parchment breaking the silence.

Sanji glances over and almost laughs, the words devolve from _I will obey orders_ to _I want meat_.

_Nice_

_Work of art._

“Hands.” She abruptly says after what feels like hours.

They obediently put the wrong hand out for her to check. Given the annoyance on her face, she noticed, “Other ones.”

Sanji had to fight his barest instincts to _run_ when her stubby fingers touch his precious hands. She smiles, pleased at how raw his skin is despite the healed nature of the words themselves.

As she glances at Luffy’s her grin of pleasure turns into dismay at the line of red across his hand, thankfully, his captain’s handwriting is illegible to even the craziest of people, which is a category she definitely fits into. “Tut tut, Mr. Potter, I’m glad we will have so much time to improve your handwriting. You may go now.”

As soon as they are out of the classroom, Sanji snatches Luffy’s hand in his own, looking at the sheer rawness of it, “Oi, it’s fine. It’s a mere paper-cut right?”

“Yeah, papercut.” He reaches into his pocket for a much needed smoke. It’s already dark so it’s not like anyone’s going to catch him.

“Besides, Chopper will fix us up, he always does.” Luffy says with a small grin.

* * *

Sometimes the locket the ministry official has within his possession whispers to him, nasty little secrets, things that he knows are wrong but he does anyway.

Like those dementors. _He_ released them, giving them a quick word of their target.

He remembers a time when he did not know the locket and weeps silently for such a time. They have become intertwined, necessary for each’s continued existence.

Now he would do anything for the locket around his neck, found by a pawn in a back-street alleyway of a convoluted idea.

He has _so_ many ideas to set in motion, so many _plans._

Cornelius will take his advice and set to do what is expected of him.

_He’s_ the reason why Dolores Umbridge was even _considered_ for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position.

_He’s_ the reason why Harry Potter will die before he can destroy the Dark Lord.


	5. Hogsmeade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lordy lord does four months come and go like that. Yikes, i'm the worst im sorry guys, i dont even know why it took so long! I knew what i wanted to write and yet it just didn't come to me. Anyways, im in year 11 and god there's so much that makes me wanna die.   
> Uhm, i love calculus? And studies of religion? Buddhism and Islam are so _interesting_ to learn.
> 
> Enjoy y'all and thank you to the lovely MasterQwertster for betaing ;)

School, unfortunately, dulls down and, aside from Umbridge’s classes, the teachers worked as efficiently as ever, but it still felt like there had been a shift in dynamics.

Snape was slightly less demeaning and awful to them all, but he was still quick to deduct points for the slightest transgression.

Care of Magical Creatures _definitely_ wasn’t as awesome as before, because Hagrid had clearly lost his confidence after the almost accident. Instead, they had first studied the Giant Squid in the lake, who had been happy to surface for them all to study, then moved onto Blast-Ended Skrewts that they weren’t supposed to study until next year, but Hagrid obviously made the exception.

So, despite the downgrade, they all loved the lessons because there was always a new creature to be studied.

Dumbledore was seen even less than he already had been, clearly preferring to spend time away from the students, or more likely, Umbridge.

Speaking of, the woman was relentless when it came to their detentions and sooner rather than later, Luffy and Sanji were sporting matching hand scars.

The crew and Hermione had been _livid_ to find out what her detention entailed.

But, there _was_ one thing to look forward to, since the end of October was nearing, Quidditch tryouts were to be announced. Usopp would be trying out for his team.

Sanji had decided against trying out for the Gryffindor side (despite the fact that there were no try-outs this year), despite him swearing up and down that it wasn’t because Zoro wouldn’t be opposing him.

(Zoro and Nami weren’t going to bother the Slytherin team considering they were 100% dicks)

Nami was already planning a betting pool that all of her energy would be focused on.

Brook and Robin were considering it for the next year and Chopper declared that he would be there to fix them up after the games.

Sometimes, just the nine of them would have a quidditch game between them. It’s not like they cared about booking the pitch. As long as a team wasn’t training there, they could take to the sky, Luffy, Usopp, Chopper and Zoro versus the rest of the crew.

Hell, even Hermione joined in sometimes to make the teams even. Though usually, she’s content to just watch from the ground in awe at the rough games.

With a light heart that refuses to be beaten in the face of Umbridge, Luffy makes his way down to the ground of the Quidditch field where Wood appears to be giving his inspirational speech.

“This is our last damn chance – _my_ last chance – to win the Quidditch cup.” Wood informs them, striding up and down in front of them determinedly. “I’m leaving at the end of this year – I won’t get another chance.

“Gryffindor hasn’t won in seven, long, years. Okay, we’ve had the worst luck in the world; injuries, tournaments getting called off. But we’ve got the _best, bloody, team, in the school_.” He says, punctuating each word with a fist to the air.

“We’ve got three _superb_ Chasers.” Wood gestures to Alicia, Angelina and Katie.

“Two _unbeatable_ Beaters.”

“Oh Oliver, you sly ole dog.” Fred and George pretend to blush together.

“ _And,_ we’ve got a bloody epic Seeker who has _never_ failed to win us a match.” Oliver finishes, a manic gleam in his eye.

Luffy laughs, they _haven’t_ lost a game, and he supposes it’s partly his job, but everyone is _the best_ at their positions, “And me, I suppose.”

“We think you’re great too.” Fred says.

“Yeah, a spanking keeper.” George adds.

“I can’t believe we haven’t won it in these past two years.”

“Quite frankly, we’ve had shit luck.” Luffy says bluntly.

Oliver nods, “This year’s the last year we’ll have to see our name on it…” he says dejectedly.

“Don’t worry Oliver, we’ll win this year.” Alicia says.

“Yeah! This is our year!” Luffy grins and pumps his fist.

Full of determination, they begin their training sessions at 3 O’clock, every day.

Because Wood _deserves_ a win, and they’re ready and prepared to put their lives on the line for it. And Luffy endures the skin-prickling feeling of dementors lurking around the edges of the school, Usopp believes that they’re there for ‘protection’, at least – as he cynically puts it – the Ministry thinks so.

Whether it’s protection for those within or only for the very woman among them has yet to be decided.

The Quidditch sessions are as gruelling as ever though, and they discuss strategy and Luffy smiles because it’s fun playing in a team. Usually he’d be pissed that he isn’t in charge, but he knows that sometimes it’s better to just follow a plan.

He just has to prepare for if something goes wrong so it isn’t blamed on him like Nami has a habit of doing.

Naturally, he has to leave for at least a week to go to detention with Umbridge, but it’s funny seeing her nose wrinkle slightly as he comes in wearing muddy robes, dripping across her perfectly pink carpets.

“Tch, that bitch can go wither in hell, for all I care.” Sanji mutters, ruffling his hair with his hands, he’s been _very_ displeased with the treatment of their hands.

“Sanji! Stop using your hands! The scar treatment _should_ get rid of them, but if you don’t allow the oil to absorb, then it will be pointless.” Chopper admonishes him, tugging on his robe with his hoofs.

Robin cooks for a bit (Nami would have except nobody wants to pay for their meals), or asks the house elves to bring them food. Either way, Sanji has been barred from cooking, as Chopper knows how important his hands are.

Hermione flounces into the mystery room, “Have you seen the notice?”

At the various shrugs she smiles widely, “The first trip to Hogsmeade is on Halloween.”

“Seriously?! They put it on Halloween?!” Usopp groans.

At the blank looks he gets, he holds his hand out, “First year, Quirrell lets out a troll on Halloween. Second year, the Chamber of Secrets gets open. Does nobody else see a pattern here?” he groans cynically.

Robin laughs, “I wonder what horrible thing will happen this year.”

“The horrible thing’s already happened.” Brook murmurs darkly, eyes trained on Sanji’s hands.

“Hm, I was thinking more along the lines of structural collapse, but she works in the same way I suppose.” Robin says with a smile.

“Oh, I forgot to get that signed.” Luffy grins.

Chopper frowns, “But you won’t be allowed out without one?”

“Who says they’ll know?” Luffy laughs.

“There _are_ quite a number of tunnels leading out of here, aren’t there?” Brook asks.

“Mhm, it’s a good escape route.” Usopp adds. “The one that goes to the Honeydukes cellar would be a good supply route too.”

“Let’s hope we never need them.” Nami mutters. “Maybe you should ask McGonagall if you can legally go? Obviously you’ll leave even if she says no but it’s just the polite thing to do.”

“Can’t wait to get some more fire-whiskey.” Zoro says with an almost dreamy expression.

“You can try, block-head.” Sanji laughs nastily.

“Maybe _Perona_ will get me some.” Zoro glares back.

“No lady will ever _do_ that for you, leech!” Sanji growls, twisting on the spot. He fires up his leg, and, without blinking, Zoro meets his kick with a hardened sword.

“Anyway, yoho, Usopp, would you care to join me at Zonkos? I hear that the prank shop is the most famous in the world.” Brook says, stepping over the two feuding pirates.

Usopp gasps and places a hand over his heart, a tear coming to his eye, “It would be an honour, good sir Brook.”

Brook grins and laughs along with the sniper.

“Do you reckon Jinbe would come meet us there?” Luffy asks, tilting his head.

“I’m sure if you asked him he would be down to grab a butterbeer or something.” Brook says. “Jinbe is most likely dealing with Fishmen affairs, but like the rest of us, he will _always_ make time for you, Luffy-san.”

Luffy grins, “In that case, Ace and Sabo can come too. Let’s make it a party!”

***

“God, why are riddles so difficult.” Thatch moans into his hands.

“What do you mean-yoi?” Marco asks in amusement.

“How are we meant to put out our own recall order if we can’t even figure out a decent riddle?” Thatch asks.

“Correction, _you_ can’t make a decent riddle.” Ace says, pointing at the man with a pen.

“Um, excuse me?” Thatch says, looking affronted. “At least I wasn’t the one to write ‘Meet at my grave at the day of my death’. It’s almost like you’re copying Luffy, huh?” Thatch taunts.

“It’s better than anything you’ve come up with.” Ace huffs, “And that’s saying something.”

“Um, it was Robin that wrote the news article.” Sabo says with a tilt of his head.

“Agree to disagree hot-head.” Thatch waves a dismissive hand and resumes chewing the edge of his feathered quill.

Marco sighs. Their silence is interrupted by a buzzing of the ancient phone in the dining room. Immediately, the brothers and companions race into the source of the noise, a small cafluffle over who would answer before Sabo emerges victorious.

“Luffy!” Sighing at Ace’s wounded face, he manages to turn the speaker for the phone on.

“Hey Sabo! Ace!” Their little brother’s happy voice responds over the line, “So, we wanted to know whether you guys were down to meet us in Hogsmeade for our first trip. It’s on Halloween.”

Without hesitating Ace replies, “Of course, wouldn’t want to miss your first Hogsmeade trip.”

“Wait, did you get the note signed?” Sabo asks, a hint of exasperation colouring his tone.

They can _hear_ the pout through the phone… “No…”

“Dumbass.” They mutter fondly. “Okay, send it back here, Ace or I will sign it for you and then you can _legally_ go.”

“I was planning on going either way shishi. Oh yeah, can you ask Jinbe too? I didn’t catch his address.” Luffy says and they can both imagine the pout that he makes at that.

“Sure, I’ll get Koala on it.” Sabo says.

“How’s the Umbridge situation-yoi?” Marco asks, speaking for the first time.

“Pineapple-head!” An eyebrow twitches at that comment and Thatch stifles his giggles. “Yeah, well, we’re dealing with her I guess,” Luffy sounds slightly despondent, it makes their blood boil.

“Well, hang in there until Hogsmeade and we might even have another spar.” Sabo says, lips twitching into a small smile.

“Any news of Pettigrew on your end?” Luffy asks bluntly.

Thatch frowns, “No, it seems he’s dropped off the grid, not even haki can find him now – especially given how much he knows about haki, he can probably shroud himself to even the most experienced eye.”

“Don’t worry about it guys, we _will_ find him. Robin and Nami’ve been doing some crayon cents art.” Luffy says proudly.

‘Crayon cents art-yoi?’ Marco mouths silently.

“Reconnaissance?” Ace asks, head tilted thoughtfully.

“Yeah, that one!”

Sabo shakes his head, “Yeah, Jinbe and Koala have their feelers out too. We’ll catch the bastard, and then he’ll know true pain.”

“Mm.”

Suddenly there’s a shifting of the phone and Nami’s voice sounds through the device, “I’ll send you guys the Hogsmeade note, Luffy’s owl will get it to you. Send it directly to Professor McGonagall because there’s a high chance _some_ ,” the word was stressed, “of us will lose it, and I would love Luffy to be able to be seen in public. Imagine the things he would do invisible.”

The company laugh at the thought, they could imagine it. “Oh think of the meat that would be stolen.”

“Meat?” They hear Luffy say in the background and a gruff voice that belongs to Sanji reply that he’d fix him something.

“Anyway, I’ll see you guys on Halloween!” Luffy shouts to the receiver.

“See ya, Luffy!” Ace grins.

“Don’t get into _too_ much trouble.” Sabo adds.

“Course not.” Their brother replies cheerfully.

They’re left with a tone dial and the imprint of a happy brother on them.

“Damn, that doesn’t help me with the recall order.” Thatch slouches.

“Just write a damn location, doesn’t matter what time of the year.” Ace says. “If anyone tries to stop our meeting… well, it’s not like we can’t protect ourselves.”

“Why don’t we do it in the middle of Australia? Not like the ministry would be able to detect us. The most we’d get are a few curious emus and maybe a miner but whatever.” Thatch says.

Sabo sighs, “Why don’t I just get Koala to spread the information along her grape-vine. I _know_ she has contacts everywhere, not that I blame her obviously. But what about those that can’t apparate? You guys can’t assume that if any Whitebeard pirate reincarnated, they all became wizards or witches.” He adds, folding his arms.

“That’s true-yoi.” Marco concedes, a frown marring his face.

“That’s why I suggest Koala spreads the news of… let’s say the ‘Sprung Suspension Workshop’ is holding an event regaling the death of the pirate Whitebeard in the Forest of Dean and if anyone arrives, one of you guys ID them, either in person or by appearance, and apparate to somewhere in Australia. That way you get to check out who shows up _and_ set up adequate protections in the case that something goes south.” Sabo rationalises.

“Why the ‘Sprung Suspension Workshop’?” Ace asks with an arched eyebrow.

“Owned by a muggle who knows about the Ministry and enough about the magic world and what to do in the case of an emergency. He’s Koala’s acquaintance.” Sabo says with a smile.

 “Damn, that woman really _does_ have a network of spies.” Thatch mutters, louder, he claps his hands together enthusiastically, “Well guys, plan ‘get-the-gang-back-together is officially a-go!”

Ace smiles widely, “I’m glad we’re finally doing it after all these years, now with Voldemort on the rise and Pettigrew showing his stupid face out from wherever he was hiding, we need ‘em more than ever. And I think I speak for all of us when I say we miss Pops.”

“I think that’s the most emotion you’ve ever spoken of at once-yoi.” Marco says dryly.

“Shush, it was a beautiful moment and now you’ve gone and ruined it.” Thatch elbows Marco sharply.

Ace blushes and Sabo, without fail or hesitation, withdraws a portable camera and with a snap of his fingers, the blushing moment is caught on film for all to see. “Sabo!”

He sticks out his tongue childishly and races away, mentally deciding where to move his stash of blackmail to because Ace was much more likely to find it the longer he kept it under the loose floorboard in his room.

Later on, he’ll call Koala and let her know of the plans.

For now? Ace would kill him if he knew of the extensive photo collection of him that Sabo has.

* * *

The night before the Hogsmeade trip, Professor McGonagall calls Luffy up to her office. She sighs, “Take a seat.”

He obeys, if only because cat-lady is nice and it’s probably because of the permission note that Ace and Sabo sent her, “Your brothers sent me your permission note.”

“You got it okay then? I wasn’t sure whether Southy would just abandon it.” Luffy says brightly.It was mostly because he was terrible and had been making Suteki send letters rather than Southy.

McGonagall removes her spectacles with a sigh that he hears a lot when he’s around her and says, “Usually, we would _never_ allow someone like you out of Hogwarts’ premises, but I have made the executive decision that you will be permitted to attend the excursion, provided you are with your friends at all times. Especially considering that this permission note is not technically valid, we will not be bringing this up with Dolores Umbridge at any given stage, do you understand?”

“Stay with my friends and don’t tell _her_ and we’re cool?” He says, thumbs up.

McGonagall’s lips twitch into a smile, “Very, now scamper along and finish that essay on the practical uses of transfiguration.”

“Sure.” He says with a smile, glad that he will be attending the Hogsmeade visit with the rest of the students and he won’t have to sneak out to attend.

Walking back to the mystery room, he’s content in the knowledge that the teachers hate Umbridge as much as they all do, and that’s a lot, all things considering.

Brook, Chopper, and Usopp vanish into the Thousand Sunny to write a list of ingredients they could use to make Brook the right age for the eventual killing process.

Zoro leans back against one of the wooden logs, eyes closed, basking in the warmth of the fire that seems far too real to simply be a figment of a creative room’s thoughts. “Can’t wait to see Jinbe.” Luffy says, excitement creeping into his voice.

“Mm?” Zoro hums, “Me too, our crew has been split for a while…”

“Fufu, would you look at that?” Robin murmurs softly, gesturing to the cover of the Daily Newspaper.

“Co-ordinates?” Nami questions, tilting her head for a moment, “If I’m right when it comes to these kinds of things-”

“-and we all know you are, Nami-swan!” Sanji interjects.

“-then these are for _just_ outside the forest of Dean.” She finishes, ignoring Sanji.

“An odd spot for a recall order.” Robin says. “Quite out in the open, nothing like the Koala I know… Unless it’s a guise, lead all of the Ministry agents there and the others elsewhere… very complex magic.” She shrugs. “If anyone could pull something like that off, it would certainly be that group wouldn’t it?”

“That’s very true.” Nami agrees.

“Well, we’ll be able to talk to them about it tomorrow anyway.” Zoro adds indifferently, shifting slightly so he can keep all of them in his eye-sight.

“Ah yes, Hogsmeade. I’m quite excited myself to visit the Shrieking Shack.” Robin adds. “The history surrounding it is murky at best. There were a few rumours that it was haunted for a while, but they eventually dispersed. I still have no clue as to why it’s called the ‘Shrieking Shack’, none of the books in the library discussed why it was nicknamed that…”

“Man, I just want to see it all, y’know? Hogwarts’ grounds are stuffy enough as is.” Luffy responds, taking a sip of his hot chocolate that the house elves had brought them.

“Yoho, especially with _that_ woman and the dementors, the school has never felt smaller.” Brook adds solemnly, plucking his violin strings.

They laze around the dying fire as the last dregs of sleep slip away from their grasp. Sleep always varied for the crew, and considering the severity of their situation, not even the usual comfort of the mystery room could provide the time to sleep.

Umbridge was foul, she used manipulative games, and she had clearly learnt from the best.

Sighing, Luffy gives up on sleeping for the night and stands, with almost all eyes on the captain he curiously raises an eyebrow, “Quidditch training? I suggested we do more of it, shishi. Fred and George weren’t happy.”

“Allow me to accompany you?” Robin asks suddenly, rising from her folded position between Nami and Zoro.

Luffy nods, unsure as to why she would but nonetheless he appreciates the company. Truth be told, not even _he_ wants to do early Quidditch, too cold to be flying at great altitudes, and all they do is talk strategy.

“Do you need to go to the dormitory?” Robin asks. He hums in agreement.

“Probably.”

“In that case I will meet you there, I’ll go grab you some breakfast.” Robin says and disappears on the way to the kitchens.

Ducking into the dormitory after ‘rudely’ awakening the Fat Lady, he grabs the Quidditch gear needed and disappears, only to feel Hermione descend in a way he supposes would be ‘stealthy’, but her aura is easily distinguishable amongst the other students.

He creeps down into the common room and while he could – in theory – just use Soru to avoid her, it would be both rude and unnecessary. “Hermione?” He asks to the empty room.

She flicks on one of the lamps with a tap of her wand, legs crossed. She _almost_ looks like the perfect picture of a mother ready to scold her daughter for sneaking out, “Luffy.”

“What’s up?” He asks with an easy grin, belying the unease he feels at the worry in her youthful face.

“Umbridge has been looking for you.” She says simply, brow crinkling slightly.

“I see. Do you know why?”

She shrugs, “I have a feeling it’s to do with the Hogsmeade trip.”

“Ehh, I already had the permission note signed.” Luffy sighs gustily.

“Luffy I hate to say it, but I agree with her on the fact that you should stay behind.” She raises a hand before he can interrupt. “I know that you and your crew are badasses, okay? That doesn’t change the fact that Wormtail has _years_ of knowledge on top of whatever your brothers taught him and if he wanted to catch you guys, it would be hard, yes, but it’s possible.”

“Hermione.” The girl’s face snaps to Robin’s who flicks her wand to provide Luffy with his breakfast and brings the coffee close to her lips. “We’ve _always_ been aware of the risks that being with Luffy comes with. Luffy’s aware of them as well. It’s clear that you’re nervous for us – you have every right to be – but we are pirates. With being a pirate comes freedom.”

“And we can’t be free if we are scaredy cats for our lives.” Luffy finishes with a frown, watching Hermione’s face pinch in regret.

“Besides, if Wormtail was able to slip past the dementors in _Azkaban_ , then what’s the point of worrying? He’ll get in here eventually.” Robin adds with a small smile, taking a deep sip of her coffee.

Luffy, having practically inhaled the ‘meagre’ breakfast, tilts his head at Robin in a silent question. At the inclination of her head he turns to Hermione, “See ya, Hermione.”

They walk through the hallways, Robin with her coffee and a book tucked under her arm that wasn’t there before and Luffy with his mud-crusted Quidditch gear that he _sometimes_ makes Suteki clean, because while it’s a simple whispering of words to Suteki, it’s also rude to make his wand become his house slave.

He supposes that Robin came because she doesn’t want to sit around and he _thinks_ she’s a morning person? And besides, she got coffee out of it as well.

Quidditch is gruelling as ever on his mental capacity to listen to someone drone on for an extended period of time.

But, he distracts his mind, only keeping half an ear on the strategy as his eyes track dew droplets that have glazed over icily along the boundaries of the field, either as a result from the colder temperatures or from the dementors is unknown.

Sunlight barely peeks over the horizon, the sky is saturated with the blues of nightfall and the hues of golden dawn, from the forest he can spy little creatures dancing around in the longer glass, he thinks they’re Siths? They’re pretty to look at though with their little wings of fluttering rainbows, wavy clothes made of the finest blues.

They remind him of the dwarves from Green Bit, he realises with a pang, but even though they’re both tiny, that’s where the similarities end. These fae are chillingly beautiful, with slanted faces and eyes of glittering intelligence.

Eyes sliding past the fae and the lake where he knows the giant squid resides, he hums a little tune, eyes eventually reaching Robin’s from the stand where she is still drinking coffee. He wonders whether she put a refilling charm on it.

“Potter!” He snaps to attention.

“Wood.” He says back, a grin stretching his face.

“Have you listened to a word I’ve said?” He says in a thunderous tone.

“Nope.” He replies bluntly with the same grin on his face.

Wood groans in annoyance and throws a hand through his hair in exasperation, “Fred, George, fill him in, if he doesn’t listen… I’ll take Jordon off the commentary podium.”

“No.” Fred gasps.

“You wouldn’t.” George says in the same affronted tone.

“I would.” Wood promises gleefully.

“Harry, listen carefully and if you don’t-” Fred says dangerously.

“We’ll cry on you, you’ll be soaked through and get sick-” George continues.

“And then we’ll cry some more.” Fred adds.

“Shishi okay.” He says with the same easy grin.

At 10 o’clock, they meet up, ready for the trip to Hogsmeade. Luffy grins widely in anticipation, new places are always the best! Nobody knows him yet! They won’t be expecting him to eat all their meat and overcharge him because of it.

(Not pointing fingers, but Nami knew _exactly_ what she was doing)

Filch peers over them in an overzealous fashion to weed out those determined to enter Hogsmeade without permission notes. Luffy slips through the crowd, retrieving the note from Nami and passing it off to Filch before emerging from the stream of students.

They pass by the gates and he steadfastly ignores the creeping cold settling deep within his bones, clawing around his limbs like an unwelcome friend, making itself at home somewhere in his chest cavity and everything is _cold._

Unasked, but very much welcomed, Brook interlaces his warm hand with Luffy’s, and just like that, the cold is gone, chased away by the warmth curling up from a pit in his stomach, banishing the darkness and cold as surely and rhythmic as the tune Brook taps along his hand.

He doesn’t have to say thank you, the squeeze Brook gives him is enough. Looking around, he can see students shivering at the presence of the dementors and his nakama have formed a circle around him, each with a hand entrenched within their own.

Hermione is shivering, even from within the solid grasp of both Robin and Nami, having been sandwiched by the duo. As if two souls can protect one from the icy sorrow of another.

It’s comforting and horrifying to think that the feeling of utter despair and horror had been passed through crowds of this size with the ease of a professional.  

It doesn’t take a whole lot of time for them to reach the outskirts of Hogsmeade where the land was primarily farming estates and bungalows built into the ground for either aesthetic purposes or to avoid detection from above ground.

Finally, the plains rise with purpose amongst the rolling greens and deadened forests, and from out of a perpetually lingering mist emerges Hogsmeade. It sticks out in the countryside like a magnificent thumb, and while he can already tell that there aren’t that many shops in the town, it has a distinctly homely feel. With unconcealed excitement he bounces along the road, dragging Brook along with him, yet when they pass an antiques store, Brook untangles himself and crosses the street.

“Oi, Luffy, anywhere you wanted to go?” Zoro asks, huffing out an icy breath.

“Hm, what about Wonka’s?” He asks, glancing at his swordsman.

Zoro huffs again, this time with laughter and smiles, the emotion dances along his face, “Sure, let’s go to Honeydukes. Although, I doubt they sell meat flavoured lollies.”

He shrugs, “They might.”

“Zoro, Luffy!” Nami calls in the tone that says they should listen if they value, well, their valuables.

Zoro arches an eyebrow and casts his gaze back on the remnants of the group, “Meet at the Three Broomsticks in an hour, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Zoro mutters, waving a dismissive hand.

“Sure, see ya soon, Nami!” Luffy calls, a big grin painting his features once more.

Hermione splits away from them and after sternly telling them to stay safe, her figure turns into the post office, and Luffy can imagine the face she’d make when she realised that they were _colour-coded._

They walk through the main street of Hogsmeade with an easy gait. Zoro turns to the first pub they see in interest but passes on in disinterest as he names it to be too ‘smelly’.

“But Zoro, you smell too.” Luffy points out, earning a cuff on his head. “Shishi, man it’s cold.”

Zoro grins and points out Honeydukes where a steady line of students can already be seen in inside, pushing and shoving to get a term’s worth of lollies from the foreign store, “Ah, Harry, I see you got out alright.” Fred and George grin at them both easily. “We’re gonna meet up with Neville and Ginny in Zonkos, if you want to come with?”

“Nah, we’re gonna check Honeydukes and the Shrieking Shack out. But have fun!” Luffy laughs at their best impression of being put-off.

“Alrighty, see you two later!” And they disappear, leaving a trail of mayhem behind them.

“See ya’s!” The duo slink into Honeydukes, eyeing the cobwebs of cotton candy and spiders of toffee. “Oh man they have every flavour bertie’s beans!” Luffy points out.

“So?” Zoro shrugs.

“That means there _has_ to be a meat flavour.” His eyes sparkle in delight as he grabs two of the colourful boxes, wandering around the store he also makes his pick of animal looking treats. He bounds up to the counter and, smiling at the clerk brightly, he dumps his share on the counter.

The clerk sighs and waves a wand, “Your total is 10 galleons.” Another wave of the wand and it’s bundled nicely into a paper bag. He forks over the money from his pouch of ‘allowance’ and waits for Zoro as he finally decides on ‘instant butterbeer’ and a packet of bottles that Luffy reckons are probably alcoholic tasting.

“Hmm, Shrieking Shack?” He asks, thumbing through the lollies and his remaining money.

“Mm.” Zoro agrees, walking along unbothered by the throngs of students that eventually thin out the closer they get the Shrieking Shack, and no wonder, it lays on the outskirts of town, a fine layer of snow covering it. It certainly appeared to give off a gothic, paranormal vibe.

The house is decrepit, falling apart from the walls, planks rotten with age and moisture. Overgrown weeds litter the path, the windows of the shack yawn and sag with old age, and he wonders why nobody’s decided to try and clean up the place. It wouldn’t take a whole lot, just a flick of the wand and some words and bam! Good as new.

Wizards are lazy, he decides, looking at this sad excuse of a house. Though, it would be useful for a meeting place if nobody entered the place for fear of the old ghosts that haunt the property.

“Creepy.” Luffy says, eyes roaming over the old house.

“It is, isn’t it?” Robin says, appearing from nowhere with a notepad in her hand, scribbled notes adorning the front page. “No-one seems to remember why it is called the ‘Shrieking Shack’. A few residents heard loud noises, probably squatters living inside, but according to a bartender, about a decade ago, the place almost burned down, so most people write it off as haunted.”

“Interesting.” Luffy grins.

“Mm.” Robin hums, “Are we ready to meet with the others at the Three Broomsticks?”

“Yeah, unless you wanted to see something else?” Luffy asks Zoro.

“Nah, as long as there’s booze, I’ll be fine.” Zoro grins.

“Alright, let’s go then.” Luffy says, turning on his heel and striding back towards town.

From the outside, the ‘Three Broomsticks’ looks like any normal kind of pub you’d find in Britain with a wooden structure and a general air of age about it. As they make it through the doorway though, it becomes clear that it is anything but with an entire class or so of Hogwarts students trying to cram themselves into the booths while the regular patrons try and escape the hordes with as much ease as they can.

He spots _his_ group immediately, situated at three of the regular tables pushed together, they certainly make a sight with Jinbe’s hulking frame, the five wizards that seem to be at odds with even the weirdness of most wizard- and witch-kind. Not accounting for the group of students congregating around them.

“Yo, Luffy!” Sabo is the first to see them and stands abruptly, waving a gloved hand.

“Sabo!” His persistent grin widens impossibly, and he launches himself through the foray, landing just in front of the table. “Yo, everyone!”

“Luffy.” Jinbe says in his deep voice, an amused smile gracing his features.

Robin and Zoro approach the table, sidling in amongst the Straw Hats, “Another round.” Ace calls out to the bartender who sighs, but nonetheless sends one of her waitresses around, arms laden with trays of butterbeer.

“We saw your own recall order.” Robin says, a small secret smile on her face.

“Mm, it took too long to make.” Thatch moans.

Marco stifles a chuckle at that, “Moron thought he could make a riddle-yoi.”

“Tch, like you’re any better, bird for brains.” Thatch says, hiding his face in his firewhiskey.

Marco inclines his head in mute agreement.

“So, what do you guys think of Hogsmeade?” Koala asks.

“The best place is definitely Zonkos.” Usopp says with a grin and promptly tips out his collection of prank items, “We visited with the twins and man, they’re in a league of their own, almost to my own level.”

“The Shrieking Shack is certainly interesting.” Robin says.

“Honeydukes _does_ have meat flavoured lollies.” Luffy says with a triumphant grin, sticking his tongue out at Zoro.

The swordsman arches an eyebrow and grins, “Colour me surprised.”

“I wouldn’t colour you at all, idiot.” Sanji says, his visible eyebrow twitching.

“Ehh? What was that, shit-head? I don’t speak stupid.” Zoro says, cupping a hand around his ear.

“Tch, I’ll beat it into you if I have to.” Sanji says, as tense as a bowstring, ready to fly.

“Calm it down, idiots. We don’t need to be in debt to another pub.” Nami says, eyes closed, arms crossed, the perfect picture of peace if you ignored the twitching vein in her forehead and the clenched fists – ready to beat them in their foolishness if needed.

Obediently, Sanji rattles off something about Nami being sexy when she’s cross and Zoro mutters something about Nami being a witch.

As he takes a large gulp of butterbeer, he smirks because this is exactly what he’d hoped his life would be like. It would be better, of course, if they were on the high sea, but it can’t be helped…

Yet. Maybe one day when Franky visits them, they could get Sunny out of the Mystery Room, even if they have to smash through the old walls of Hogwarts, because once their minds are set on something, there’s hardly anything that can hold them back.

“How’s the situation at Hogwarts?” Jinbe asks grimly.

“It’s as well as one could expect.” Brook says in an equally grim tone.

“I hope she doesn’t ban Hogsmeade trips.” Chopper says with a steady frown on his face.

“She probably will. Not like it matters though, we have ways to get through.” Zoro says with a nasty grin.

“That’s very true, nothing stops the Straw Hat Pirates, right?” Sabo says cheekily.

“Mhm.” Ace nods in agreement.

“Anyways, I didn’t really see anywhere around here to have a spar?” Luffy asks curiously.

The marauders share a glance, “Mah, that’s because you’re not looking in the right place.” Thatch says, a knowing glint in his eyes.

Brook’s lips peel into a smile, “I’ve been wanting to challenge you for a while, Thatch-san.”

“Mm, me too, Humming Swordsman.” Thatch agrees.

“Can we please wait until we reach the spot?” Koala says in a tone that suggests it’s not the first time that they’ve fought out in the open space of Hogsmeade.

“Yeah, yeah, that was only one time.” Ace waves his hand dismissively.

“Tch, do you know how long I busted my ass off trying to get you guys out of being expelled for ‘excessive property damage’?” Koala asks, livid.

“Hey, don’t blame us, wizards are just lazy-yoi.” Marco says dryly.

“That’s true. Why hasn’t anyone tried to clean up the ‘Shrieking Shack’?” Nami asks.

Ace shrugs, “Maybe because it’s already cleared up?”

Luffy laughs, “Ace, your vision must be going because that is pretty far from being clean.”

With the tips of his ears turning red, Ace replies, “Well, maybe it’s got a glamour on it, idiot.”

“Don’t be rude to your brother, Ace. It’s got a glamour for a reason.” Thatch chides, as if he was a paternal figure.

“Whatever, let’s go.” Ace finishes the dregs of his firewhiskey and stands.

“Oh yeah, Zoro-kun.” Jinbe says, absentmindedly reaching for a package hidden at the small of his back. “This is for you.”

“Me?” Zoro asks, surprise colouring his tone.

“Yeah, and the rest of you, but I know how you love your alcohol and considering that the only relatively alcoholic drink Hogwarts provides is butter beer, I figured you’d want something heavier.” Jinbe says, also finishing his drink and standing.

The rest of the pirates/revolutionaries stand, turning to follow Ace who has already reached the pub door, “Oi, don’t you get away without paying.” The bartender says, swinging her way through the crowd.

Sabo has the decency to look sheepish and he hits Ace to do the same, “You’re right, that would be rude. What’s our bill come to?”

“45 galleons and 5 sickles.” She says, glancing at something unseen on her arm.

Ace pats his clothing for his wallet and looks at Sabo sheepishly. Sabo sighs heavily and withdraws his own wallet, “What would you ever do without me?”

“Shut up.”

“Shishi, we can pay, can’t we Nami?” Luffy turns to Nami, eyes widened imploringly.

Nami sighs, resigned to her fate to forever be paying for the expenses of her captain. “Fine, everyone! Money out.”

Obediently, the pirates withdraw their pouches of money, “Nah, don’t worry, I’ve got this one.” Jinbe says and Nami happily makes them all put their remaining ‘pocket money’ away.

“Thank you all, see you again.” The bartender says and waves them out.

“I get the feeling she wanted us gone.” Koala says, side-eyeing her from a safe distance.

At that, Sanji barks out a laugh, Usopp joining him a moment later, “What? What did I say?”

“Just be glad that Luffy didn’t order anything from there.” Jinbe says with a light laugh.

“Man, I sure am hungry now.” Luffy says, rifling through his paper bag for more treats.

“Don’t worry, I prepared for this.” Nami says triumphantly, withdrawing a cute little cat purse from _somewhere_. From there she withdraws baggies of sandwiches, “I figured it would be cheaper to bring along food for you.”

Simultaneously, 11 other stomachs growl and Nami sighs, “Yes, I brought a couple for you guys too.”

“Yay! Thank you, Nami.” Chopper says, happily munching on his own sandwich.

“Yeah, you’re the best, Nami.” Usopp adds.

Sabo scratches his head, “I’m kinda hungry now too…”

“Worry not, Sabo- _kun_ , for _I_ have also prepared something for you idiots that obviously forgot how hungry you get.”

“Wow, what would we ever do without you-yoi?” Marco says deadpan.

“Probably crash and burn.” Thatch replies, cheekily blowing a kiss.

“Probably?” Koala mutters in derision.

“Hey, rude, we’d probably last, a week, tops.” Sabo says.

“Whatever you say Sabo-kun.” Koala snorts.

The group approaches the Shrieking Shack once more and the Marauders jump the fence easily, “Well, you guys obviously can’t see how beautiful this place is yet, but trust me, when you get inside, we certainly did a number on it.” Ace says proudly.

“Alrighty, I’ll take your word for it.” Usopp says dubiously.

“Shush now, you.” Thatch says and waves a hand, “Well come on, you heard Ace, jump over.”

Without much hesitation, they jump the rickety fence, yet as they get closer, suddenly they feel the overwhelming urge to run away. The Marauders turn to them, “Huh, nice to see it still works.”

“Come here, Luffy.” Sabo urges. He complies and a hand is laid on top of his forehead and, with a muttered utterance, the strange compelling emotion to abandon the Shrieking Shack is banished.

“What was that?” Robin asks, breath shaky.

“That was witchcraft, as in the proper stuff, not the sad version that witches and wizards pretend to use.” Jinbe says, equally breathless, either from awe or the inexplicable emotion. “It’s been used on Hogwarts to protect it from prying eyes. I never thought that you guys would be able to use it so well.”

Ace shrugs, “The Black’s may be supporters of Voldemort, but they have good records on just about everything ever. Their library had Sabo in tears of joy.”

Sabo smiles unabashedly, “Of course, it’s probably the largest source of knowledge in existence aside from the elders of a few species.”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Koala says, “these knuckleheads decided that they needed multiple safe houses so we have… hmm… maybe ten across the globe, all similar to this one in the case of an international emergency.”

“Damn, that’s bloody awesome.” Luffy cusses.

“I’ll take you guys later on to see the library and maybe the safe houses.” Sabo says, brightness in his features.

“I would very much enjoy that, as I am sure Hermione would if she is welcome.” Robin says.

“Of course.” Ace says automatically. “She’s your friend, there’s no reason why we wouldn’t let her come.”

“Let’s get inside-yoi.” Marco says and brushes past, reaching the door. He taps it with his hand at what seem to be random points, but as the door clicks, Luffy sees the wood burn with the brightness of a pirate flag.

Sanji whistles, clearly impressed by the whole display, “I’ve only read about that kind of magic, the raw magic said to be used in Merlin’s time.”

At the looks he gets from the crew he says gruffly, “What? I can read.”

Zoro snorts derisively, “Sure you can.”

“Shut up, block-head.”

“The Malfoy’s have quite the collection too, don’t they?” Ace says absentmindedly.

“Yeah, I was a well-educated kid.” Sanji says bitterly.

“It definitely has its benefits.” Ace sighs. “Especially given the social standing. Man, the upper echelons of society were _pissed_ when I was arrested. It definitely gives us an advantage I suppose, having the rich and fortunate on our side.”

“I doubt they’d want to associate with you much nowadays.” Sabo says.

Ace shrugs, “True, but I can definitely still try every now and again.”

Luffy stands, gobsmacked in the hallway, mostly because everything is so clean! The walls are more or less made out of bookshelves and carry an assortment of items, from books to paraphernalia and magical items that he cannot identify, to muggle weapons. The house has it all.

And that’s just the hallway. As they progress through the wooden floors, they emerge into a study room with a lush carpet on the floor and a drawing board pressed up against a wall with hundreds of papers on it. From newspaper clippings to profiles of citizens from all countries, the wall is overflowing.

“Come on, through here.” Koala directs them into a larger, much more spacious room, and Luffy suddenly wonders if an expansion charm has also been cast on the inside because it appears that a hall like this couldn’t just _fit_ inside a shack.

By one wall is a kitchenette area, with a few teacups and a kettle – normal things. A set of ornate chairs with velvet lining adorn the corner near the kitchenette with an abnormally long table to complete the set.

“Okay, you wanted to spar?” Koala asks pleasantly, hands clasped in front of herself.

“I presume it was you then, who almost burned down the shack.” Robin says to Ace.

“Hm?” He jerks. “Oh yeah, that was in fourth year, Sabo was being extra annoying that day…”

“Hey! It was _exams_ period, okay? I wanted to do well.” Sabo huffs, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, so we fought to let off steam, but it was too much for the shack and well… something that shouldn’t have caught on fire, caught on fire and we didn’t realise because it was hard to differentiate between what was burning and what wasn’t, y’know?”  

Marco and Thatch share a laugh, “Pyromaniac-yoi.”

“But he’s _our_ pyromaniac.” Sabo grins and noogies Ace.

“Oi, oi, oi.” Ace wrestles out of his brother’s grip.

“Time to fight?” Luffy asks, a little too hopefully.

And so they fight. They rip up floorboards, splinter others, burn parts of the floor, destroy the kitchenette at another stage, and in the aftermath of their destruction, the interior reflects that of the exterior.

Yet, it’s repaired with a flick of the wand. “That was fun. You’re quite the opponent, Thatch-san.”

“And you, Humming Swordsman.” Thatch replies with an inclination of his head.

“I’m glad we could see you again, Jinbe. Have the doctors of Fishman Island been treating you well?” Chopper demands, sitting him down in one of the chairs. “Well, I better do a full check-up just to be certain.”

“There’s no need-” Jinbe begins but is forcefully pushed back down.

“Please sit still.” Chopper says cheerfully, rummaging through his backpack.

“Okay…” Jinbe acquiesces.

Usopp stifles a grin at the look on Jinbe’s face.

“Oh dear.” Robin says, glancing at a pocket watch, she snaps the musty book shut with a neat crack. “I believe we’re running late.”

“Ehh? Are we going to miss the feast?” Luffy perks up immediately.

“I think we already have…” Nami says as she glances at her own watch.

“Nooo!” Luffy moans, “How could we?”

Zoro laughs, “Cheer up, Captain. It’s not like you’ll starve, the house elves love you too much.”

“Very true, Zoro-san.” Brook smiles. “Maybe we should still leave so we do not get in trouble?”

“Yeah, probably…” Koala mutters but smiles brightly, “It was awesome seeing you guys!”

“Yeah, when the next visit comes around we’ll be sure to take you to the hideouts.” Sabo smiles and hugs Luffy tightly. “Ace, get your grouchy arse in here.”

Grumbling, Ace joins their hug, “Yeah, yeah, whatever, mum.”

“Shut up.”

“Shishishi.” Luffy laughs at them both.

“Alright, now off with you guys, can’t have you getting into _too_ much trouble.” Jinbe says, sucking on a lollipop from Chopper.

As soon as they step outside the Shrieking Shack, they’re assaulted by the darkness of the descendant sun. The moon and stars, plucked from a thick woollen blanket of clouds, hardly shed any light against the pervading darkness.

“Wait, isn’t there a secret passageway back through the Shrieking Shack?” Nami asks with a groan.

“Ah! You’re right.” Chopper says.

“Oi~!” Luffy cajoles from out front. Marco opens the door with a grumpy expression.

“Why are you guys still here-yoi?”

“Isn’t there a secret passageway from the Shrieking Shack back to school?” Usopp asks with an arched eyebrow.

Marco laughs, “Oh yeah, there is.”

They pile back inside and crawl through the tiny tunnel leading back to the school, “Probably shoulda walked.” Luffy murmurs until _finally_ he sees a shift in the darkness of the tunnel and before long they’re piling out underneath the Whomping Willow.

“Ah, Suteki.” And just like that, the Whomping Willow is frozen, inches away from Luffy’s face.

“Let’s go before the charm wears off.” Nami says and steps over the lengthy roots.

Luffy pouts, Suteki would _never_. They make their way back to the school in remarkable time and before they know it, they’re sneaking off to the Mystery Room, “There you lot are!” It’s Percy, and he hardly sounds impressed. “You’ve worried a lot of people tonight.”

“What happened?” Luffy asks in a serious tone.

“There’s been an attack.” Percy says. Turning on his heel, he gestures for them to follow.

“An attack?” Sanji asks.

“Yes, the Fat Lady was attacked by a man missing a finger. She identified the man as Peter Pettigrew. Ah, here we are.” They happen across the Great Hall, except it’s been cleared of the usual grandiose tables. In their place were hundreds of sleeping rolls accompanied by the students of all houses. Only a few teachers remained in place, one being Professor Flitwick.

“You idiots!” He hisses as they approach. “We all thought you were…”

“How did the bastard get in?” Luffy asks in the same tone and Flitwick appears taken aback.

“That is the million-dollar question, Potter. The teachers are conducting a more thorough search of the castle. Only the Gryffindor door and, peculiarly enough, the seventh-floor wall appear to have incurred the wrath of Pettigrew.” Flitwick says, they glance at each other, so, he _was_ looking for them. “Now off to bed, you lot.”

They sigh, but reach for a cluster of the sleeping-bags, “I doubt he’s in the castle anymore.” Robin says thoughtfully.

“True, if he’s able to fool even the dementors, then there’s no doubt that he would have left. He either came to kill us or to make a statement.” Sanji agrees.

“Well, if he wanted our attention, he has it.” Zoro says grimly, “Luffy, I can’t hear him, can you?”

He shakes his head mutely. He wants to tell Ace and Sabo immediately, but how could he? They’ve probably already apparated back to Grimmauld place and without access to either their phone or Southy, it’s highly unlikely that he’ll be talking to them any time soon.

“Nonetheless, _how_ is he able to get past dementors?” Usopp asks. “If we knew that, we’d know how to find him.”

“It is quite the mystery…” Brook says, twisting in the purple sleeping bag.

“I think we should wait to hear what Dumbledore has to say about the matter.” Nami says. “Look, he has to come back at _some_ stage, we might learn something if we stay awake.”

So they lay in wait. Teachers swap out, Umbridge is clearly ruffled by the whole encounter, and, well, they’re glad, even if it means that that bastard is in Hogwarts.

Around three in the morning, when most students are asleep, Dumbledore checks in to relieve Umbridge of her post, “All is well, Professor?”

“Quite, Umbridge.”

“Any sign of him.”

“None at all, most of the castle has been searched, but it’s not like I expected him to linger. Do you have any theories as to how Pettigrew entered undetected?” Dumbledore asks Umbridge.

“Hmm, just a couple. He must have had inside help to pull this off.”

“If you are insinuating that any of the students or staff would help a known killer into the castle, I would advise against it.” Dumbledore says pleasantly.

“Of course not.”

They hear Snape return, “Have you finished the search, Severus?”

“Quite.” He replies curtly. “No sign of him.”

Dumbledore sighs. “Well, there’s no point moving them now. I will inform the dementors.”

As their footsteps recede Luffy rolls over to Zoro, “They have no ideas either.”

“Appears so.” Zoro hums.

“Oh well, it’s not like Pettigrew is _that_ strong, right?”

“Of course not, captain. He doesn’t have the spine.”

With those last words, the crew finally sleep with the knowledge that Pettigrew would show his face again.

**Author's Note:**

> God, we're going into uncharted territory here, i have a general plan out for the years but like, who knows? i have something very special planned for the fourth book lmao ;) I'm warning y'all now that this is certainly NOT CANON COMPLIANT  
> And, you can probably guess who that is at the end of the chapter.


End file.
